Roses are red. Lemons are sour. Open your legs, so I can devour.
Q: What is a lesbian's version of a cock block?
A: A beaver dam.
Wife, I look fat can you compliment me. blind husband says you have perfect eyesight
Had an amazing night with this girl woke up and it was my aunt now I’m inlove
My (at the time) boyfriend told our chemistry teacher that blood is corrosive to steel.
Anyways, my sharpener isn’t working because the blade has been too badly damaged from something else...
In preschool, I confessed my love to my crush, and she rejected me. As heartbroken as I was, I sucked it up and went back to teaching.
How do men like their women? Striped
How does priest like their children? Clean
Why are most orphans strippers? they want to call someone mommy or daddy
What is the difference between stripper and candy? none. but they like it when you take the wrapper off
So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still cant cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still cant f*ck."
The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
There was a girl I used to date, only to find out that she used to be a man. You could say, she put me in a trans
Nothing makes a guy happier than when his girlfriend says “Go and lock the door first...”
She said she was cheating. I put anti-freeze in her drink.
My girlfriend dumped me so I stole her weel chair she came crowding back
My girlfriend left a note on the TV saying "This isn't working". I don't know what she's talking about, the TV works perfectly fine
A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment she starts to roll over, and in the process she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her. Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”
Q: What's the difference between rape and marriage?
A: With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman afterwards.
I broke up with my girlfriend because she wouldn't stand for the pledge. She was in a wheelchair.
Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.
What did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse: I don't use condoms I use my drawbridge.
