Relationship jokes

What's the difference between my dad and milk? There is no difference; they both left.

"When I was in jail, my girlfriend abandoned me. I created a fascination with becoming a gynecologist. When I got bailed out, I became a Travis Bickle."

"When I heard that not arguing or fighting in a relationship represents a lack of interest, that's when my girlfriend started missing her makeup box."

Little Johnny goes to his mum and asks, "Mummy, what's rape?"

Little Johnny's mum answers, "The way you got here."

Wanna make out, Explain Bear?

I told the last person I slept with I was pregnant. He freaked the fuck out but calmed down after he realized it was April Fools'.

The look on my cousin's face was hilarious.

Are you a blood bender? 'Cause you're making my blood go south🖤.

I asked my friend if he would take a bullet for the last person he slept with.

He said hell yeah, I'd do anything for my sister!

My wife told me to stop being an idiot.

I told her, "Which one do you want?"

My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.

What a weird way to start a conversation!

If it does more than pee, it's too old for me!

I wanted to fuck my mom, but she replied, "My pussy only belongs to your dad." That's why I had to fuck her in the a$$!

Incest.

When your genealogy chart is a straight line.

I had sex with my boss's daughter.

I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.

Girl, are you a rope? Because I want to hang with you.

I asked Siri why I am still single; she showed me a pic of my mom riding on my dick!

While an unsuspecting father's at the office making money, this 18 year old son will spend his day in mother's cunny.

We're at the breakfast table, father eats and takes his calls, he doesn't know my mother's toes are kneading at my balls.

It only takes 4 inches to please a woman.

And it doesn’t matter if it’s credit or debit.

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"

So I did...

I don't remember much after that.

My mom came to me and shouted, "Nobody is giving me a fuck." So I went forward and fucked her!