You’ve got something on your face. Wait, no, it’s just missing something. My dick.
My two friends came to me one day and said they had the best blowjob that they ever had from my little sister. So I ask my sister, "Is it true that you gave my friends blowjobs?" She said yes.
My sister asked me, "Do you want one?" I said yeah. My sister gave me a blowjob and wow, just like my friends, it was the best blowjob that I ever had. As an older brother, I couldn't be more prouder.
Your mom's been giving me attitude lately, so I told her to shut her mouth. When she did, it caused me to lose 4 inches.
Why do orphans like playing tennis so much?
Because it’s the only way they’ll ever get love.
Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out.
Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.
Are you a haunted house? Because I’m going to scream when I’m in you! 😫
Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
What do you call it when a bunch of guys who look the same have an orgy?
A doppelgangbang.
My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.
My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.
What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna?
I’d hit that.
My woman is a nine on a bad day, but she’ll be 10 on her birthday.
What is the worst part about siblings having sex?
Being left out.
I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.
I guess you can say she had me in a trans.
Q: What is the difference between two bottles of Whiskey and 2 pretty feminist girls?
A: You don't leave the bottles in the cold and dark forest after you and your 9 friends are finished with them.
Me: *sprays some perfume on myself*
Friend: Omg, that smells so good! You’re so aromatic, how do you not have a bf yet?
Me: ... I’m aromantic and aromatic. I do not desire romantic relationships with others although I do enjoy carrying lovely scents with me.
Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.
Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?
Woman: Two, I want a man is is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.
Man: Shit!
What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream one and put it in her Her miscarriage
