Relationship jokes

My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.

She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,

"It didn't work out."

She told me to be more specific, so I said,

"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.

What's the difference between milk and my dad?

Nothing, I apparently am allergic to both because I never see either of them.

Yo mama so slutty the abortion clinic gave her a loyalty card and coupon for 20% off her next abortion.

There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.

For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.

What's the difference between my dad and milk? There is no difference; they both left.

"When I was in jail, my girlfriend abandoned me. I created a fascination with becoming a gynecologist. When I got bailed out, I became a Travis Bickle."

"When I heard that not arguing or fighting in a relationship represents a lack of interest, that's when my girlfriend started missing her makeup box."

Little Johnny goes to his mum and asks, "Mummy, what's rape?"

Little Johnny's mum answers, "The way you got here."

Wanna make out, Explain Bear?

I told the last person I slept with I was pregnant. He freaked the fuck out but calmed down after he realized it was April Fools'.

The look on my cousin's face was hilarious.

Are you a blood bender? 'Cause you're making my blood go south🖤.

I asked my friend if he would take a bullet for the last person he slept with.

He said hell yeah, I'd do anything for my sister!

My wife told me to stop being an idiot.

I told her, "Which one do you want?"

My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.

What a weird way to start a conversation!

If it does more than pee, it's too old for me!

I wanted to fuck my mom, but she replied, "My pussy only belongs to your dad." That's why I had to fuck her in the a$$!

Incest.

When your genealogy chart is a straight line.

I had sex with my boss's daughter.

I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.

Girl, are you a rope? Because I want to hang with you.