Why are friends a lot like snow?
If you pee on them, they disappear.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”
I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door, and it’s working fine!
You and your sister always get into a fight and she says, "I don't care." Then you say right away, "About you!"
I caught the flowers at a wedding--now married to a hot guy. But then I caught an STD at a funeral, I kinda nervo.........
Why do people play soccer?
Because people need to kick harder to win a parent.
She's a 10, but she doesn't like sex.
Why do orphans play tennis?
Because it's the only love they get.
Here is a good joke: asking for consent before sex.
"Vladymoron Pootin and Drunkard Chump sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G."
I'm throwing an orgy for people on antidepressants.
Let me know if you can't cum.
A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.
The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.
The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."
I walked past an orphanage, the orphans started to call me names, and I said, "At least I have a family!"
Chump obviously wants to divorce Melania and marry Pootin, lmfao.
Everyone else seems to have met my dad. I only have the mugshots.
Technoblade never got a wife.
Foreplay in may areas: "You awake?"
Way down South: "You awake, mom?"
Fall coming 🍁 grab you a hoodie & sum1's thick thigh baby mama to keep you warm 😌🍂
I don’t have another talking stage in me. 🤦🏿♂️ Do you squirt, and is your BD dead? 😭
What's the difference between a golf ball and a G-spot?
A man will actually look for the golf ball.
Why is sex like math?
You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
