My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?
Somebody keeps sending me flowers with their heads cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
I want a relationship.
*Masturbates*
I don't want a relationship.
Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.
Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!
Moto Moto, stop giving the baby your d*ck!
What's a native chick say after sex?
"Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!"
The Golden State? More like your mum's state...
Timmy: Stupid motherfucker.
Jimmy: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Timmy: *starts crying*
Jimmy: Ah fuck, I did it again.
When you meet your gf at the family reunion.
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."
The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"
The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."
So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.
"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."
The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"
The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
Four gay guys are sitting in a Jacuzzi when all of a sudden, a condom starts floating. One of the gay guys turns around and asks, "Okay, who farted?"
Why are friends a lot like snow?
If you pee on them, they disappear.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”
I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door, and it’s working fine!
You and your sister always get into a fight and she says, "I don't care." Then you say right away, "About you!"
I caught the flowers at a wedding--now married to a hot guy. But then I caught an STD at a funeral, I kinda nervo.........
Why do people play soccer?
Because people need to kick harder to win a parent.
She's a 10, but she doesn't like sex.
Why do orphans play tennis?
Because it's the only love they get.
Here is a good joke: asking for consent before sex.
"Vladymoron Pootin and Drunkard Chump sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G."
