Red jokes
Why are black men's eyes always red after sex?
From the mace.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A crushed nun!
What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?
Slow natives.
What is red, pink, yellow, green, orange?
A black woman dressed for church.
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.
I’m breaking up with you, bitch.
Roses are red, violets are blue; blood's thicker than water, so yeah, I got you.
What is red and cries and spins around and around?
- A baby in a microwave.
The British equivalent to 9/11 would be a big red bus crashing into Big Ben.
I wore a purple outfit to school, and some Indian kid called me Thanos, so I called him Vision and tried pulling the red dot off his head.
How Chinese is COVID? About the same as those red MAGA hats made in China.
My teacher walked up to the emo kid and told him, "I like your striped red and tan gloves." And she asked, "Where did you get them?" The emo kid replied, "Oh, I made the red stripes myself."
Roses are red, I'm not a boaster.
Elon must've got rushed to the hospital after impregnating a toaster.
Q: What's red during puberty?
A: The blood on my hands.
What's the similarity between a pepperoni pizza and Freddy Krueger?
They both have red circles on their bodies.
Roses are red, potato chips are savory...
The United States prison system is legalized slavery.
Mum: Why are roses red?
Child: Stop, Mum, you never make jokes.
Mum: I made you.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, In this world of chaos, I find peace with you.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your smile's warmth, Lights up my view.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, In every step you take, My support stays true.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, In your eyes' reflection, My dreams come true.