Red jokes
Roses are red, peanuts are tan. I am joining the Ku Klux Klan.
Roses are red, flowers naturally cannot be black.
I heard that your dad's in jail for selling crack!
Roses are red, your eyes are brown; never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.
Roses are red, violets are blue, My name is Bucky, And I am stucky.
Roses are red, violets are blue, and if you're my friend, I'll be there till the end.
Your mama is so nasty.
She showed up to Red Lobster with her own crabs.
Roses are red, flowers are pretty, I heard your mom has a nice pair of titties.
Roses are red, violets are blue. Get over here so I can fuck you.
Violets are blue, roses are red.
Last night your mom was giving me head.
I was in the corner shop to buy some lottery tickets, and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!
Are you a razor? 'Cause you make me red.
What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
Why are black men's eyes always red after sex?
From the mace.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A crushed nun!
What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?
Slow natives.
What is red, pink, yellow, green, orange?
A black woman dressed for church.
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.
I’m breaking up with you, bitch.
Roses are red, violets are blue; blood's thicker than water, so yeah, I got you.
What is red and cries and spins around and around?
- A baby in a microwave.
The British equivalent to 9/11 would be a big red bus crashing into Big Ben.