My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.
She's not the only one who can play that game.
What does a kite and a criminal have in common?
They both get high.
I'm never going bungee jumping because a cord bridged me into the world. It's not taking me out.
How do you make a suicidal guy go bungee jumping?
Tie the bungee cord around his neck.
Mom: Anna, let your younger brother have the sled one half of the time, and you the other half. That way it will all be fair, and I don't have to put up with this crying. I've already got seven others to take care of.
Anna: I do, Mom. I have Fred (younger brother) go up, and I go down!
Mom: Good. Now how 'bout the rest of you go play outside? It's beautiful out there! It's the warmest it's been all year, 45 degrees below 0!
Kids: Wow! I never thought it would warm up! I love Alaska!
Why do orphans love table tennis? Because that is the only love they're getting.
Why do orphans not play Call of Duty?
Because they have to land at houses.
They say Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. Well, apparently, no one has ever been standing next to you.
Hello guys, imagine if we had no school and we get to do whatever we want without parents telling us what to do! What place would you want to call it and what would the fun things we get to do be? I would call it "Happy world for kids." Leave a comment telling me what it would be called! Enjoy! :)
What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?
A Kinder Surprise egg.
2, 4, 6, 8, you're staying up too late.
2, 4, 6, 8, all I do is master bait.
Why do orphans play tennis?
It's the only way they get love.
What did one mountain climber say to the other mountain climber?
Man, you are really on edge.
Q. Why can't orphans play baseball?
A. Because they don't know where home is.
My friend and I were playing Poker... And my friend also beat me with Jackass.
Why does it get hot after a baseball game?
'Cause all the fans have left.
You're so short, I bet your parents left you at home most times when they went to the pool because they're scared you'll drown in the kiddie pool.
what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?
I don't bowl.
Why does Ama like boomerangs? Because they actually come back!
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They can’t get to home run!
