What do you call a chair that smokes weed?
A high chair.
What does this joke and half a deck of cards have in common?
You can't even deal with it!
This is an a-maze-ing joke!
Have you ever been to the ocean? Well, the smokers out there probably only seaweed!
Two tourists climb a mountain that utters certain doom.
One tourist falls down. The tourist that's still on the mountain says, "You ok down there?"
The other tourist says, "Can't I just rest in peace?!"
Why did the grandmother put wheels on her rocking chair?
... she likes to rock and roll lol.
Why couldn't the kid with Down syndrome play football?
Because he got all the downs.
Pool table.
I was remembering the time when I lost my brother, only until I heard that hide and seek wasn't the best idea, especially in a secluded parking lot in downtown.
What's yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties.
I got a new job at a trampoline park the other day. If I’m being honest, it’s got its ups and downs.
Me: Have you ever went sky diving?
Friend: No.
Me: Well don't, it sucks.
Friend: Why?
Me: They gave me a parachute and I lived.
Why do golfers always bring a spare pair of pants?
Because they always get a hole in one!
Why did Suzy fall off the swings? Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Not Suzy.
Why did Little Sally get hurt while playing soccer?
Because she fell into a minefield.
What do boobs and toys have in common?
Kids end up playing with toys, but adults end up playing with boobs.
Why is the most popular food at a baseball stadium pancakes? Because everybody likes a good batter!
"Don't sneeze!"
Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.
Also,
"It dangles and swung!"
Language art quizzes are the best.
A ball hit me in the vagina.
I wondered why the pitcher hadn’t pitched the ball yet.
Then it hit me.
