Really

Really jokes

Jesus

What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?

"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."

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  • Rat

    There's a kid named Little Johnny who would always cuss. Well, one day, he was sitting in class and the teacher said, "Let's play a game." So the game was she calls out a letter and someone raises her hand and tells her a word that begins with that letter. The teacher says "A". Little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, he might say something like a**." So the teacher calls on Sally. Sally says "apple". The teacher says "B". Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher thought, "No, he might say something like b!tch." So the teacher goes all the way to R. The teacher says "R". Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "Me, me, please, I really know one." Then the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, there's no cuss word that starts with R," so she said, "Okay, Johnny, give me a word that starts with R." Little Johnny says, "A rat!" and the teacher, very pleased, says, "Very good, Johnny. What type of rat?" Little Johnny says, "A big gosh damn mother freaker."

    Sorry, I had to edit some word, but y'all know what I meant.

    Kennedy

    I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head, people just thought I paid really close attention in history.

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  • Orphan

    Orphans are really out here taking selfies.

    Nah bro, that's a family photo.

    Competition

    So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.

    Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)

    Frank: Yo

    Fred: Hi...

    Frank: U heard about de competition?

    Fred: Yeah...

    Frank: You wanna hang out?

    Fred: .......

    Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.

    Fred: ...I(

    Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.

    Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.

    Memes

    Grasshopper

    A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks confused and says, "Oh really? You have a drink named 'Bob'??"

    Covid

    My brother caught Covid last month.

    First I knew about it was when he speed-dialled me at 3am and gasped, "I can't breathe, I can't breathe!"

    I just told him straight: "Bro... you really need to work on your George Floyd jokes."

    Cow

    What do you call a cow that is really sad? Utterly Depressed. HEHEHEHE

    Incest

    Did you hear that Alicia wrecked her Lexus?

    It's really a shame. She had to give her dad 3 months worth of blowjobs before he'd pay for it.

    Punch Line

    There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".

    At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.

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  • Abortion

    My opinion on abortion is very divided. Like, on the one hand, I like the idea of killing babies, but I'm not really into this thing about women being able to make choices.

    Technology

    Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I don't know if you heard it, but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I can't tell if it is metal or techno, but it is more valuable than joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.

    Nun

    My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"

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  • Porn

    A: Why are you so sad?

    B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

    A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?

    B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie.

    Dog

    Mom: I'm getting you a dog!

    Me: OMG REALLY?!

    Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?

    Me:...

    Me: Bitch, please.

    Dick

    When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you don’t make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.

    Cock

    A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.

    Trans woman

    What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?

    “It felt really good to get that off my chest.”

    Orphan

    We should really stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents will get mad.