Put jokes

Why was the American kid late to school?

Because he was too busy putting on his bulletproof vest.

What is a testicle's favorite book?

Put Tony's Nuts in Your Mouth!

Friend: What are you doing?

Me: Putting peanut butter on my balls.

Friend hears in the distance, "Orphans, I have food for you!"

What does a sad cowboy and a supernatural fan have in common?

Both want to put a Winchester in their mouth.

I put a pipe bomb in an orphanage. 🤡🤡

How do you put a baby in a blender feet first so you can see its facial expressions?

How do you get the baby out? With a tortilla chip!

So I walked into my bathroom to clean some stuff, and no one ever told me you can't put phones in the bathtub!

Yo mama was so fat, the Earth was flat before they put your mama in a grave.

How do you surprise a blind kid?

Put a plunger in the toilet.

How do you hire a horse? Easy. Just put up a ladder.

I put my fish on a leash so I could teach him to walk. Then I took him out for a walk. Then, when I put him back in the tank, he stopped moving.

I was fucking this girl, and I started to make her cry.

She mumbled things and squirmed, but I couldn't hear her through the gag I put in her mouth.

How do you get black kids to stop jumping off the bed?

You put Velcro on the ceiling.

How do you get the black kids down?

You invite the Mexicans over.

Why should you put an autistic person in a refrigerator?

Because otherwise you’ll get a rotten vegetable.

(Not meant to be triggering).

Listen, Man United might not thank me but get the contract out, put it on the table. Let him sign it, let him write whatever numbers he wants to put on there, given what he's done since he's come in. Ole's at the wheel, man. He's doing it. He's doing his thing. Man United are BACK.

Jump in the Cadillac. (Girl, let's put some miles on it.) Anything you want. (Just to put a smile on it.) You deserve it, baby, you deserve it all, And I'm gonna give it to you. Gold jewelry shining so bright, Strawberry champagne on ice, Lucky for you, that's what I like, that's what I like. Lucky for you, that's what I like, that's what I like.

-Tommyinnit

This guy went to the gas station to get some gas, and as he asked the cashier for gas he noticed a terrible smell. He asked what the smell was and the cashier replied, "That's your gas, cuz I farted. Now hand me the 20 bucks!"

The guy said, "No, not the kind that comes from your ass, but the kind you put in a car!" The cashier says, "That fart was worth 20 bucks, so beat it!"

Guy says, "I need real gas, nothing about your ass impresses me!" Then another guy gets in line and says, "I know the guy personally, we grew up together. Always trying to be the cool kid in school, bragging about his big horse's ass...no wonder he was always the *butt* of all jokes!"

How do you know if a black lady’s pregnant?

You put a banana up her vagina and see if any little monkeys come and get it.

I put peanut butter on my asshole so the dog would lick it, but instead I got bit by ants.

The other day this duck came by the gas station. He asked the cashier, "Do you have any duck food here?"

The cashier said, "Hell naw, I got no damn duck food. This the gas station, not no damn swamp, and I ain't ya mama."

Then the duck asked him two more times, and then the cashier said, "For the last time, no, I don't have any duck food here for you, ok? If you ask me again, I will put you in the oven and deep-fry you like Kentucky Fried Chicken."