Put jokes

Where did the chef put the disease?

In Ebola.

One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.

Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"

A young woman goes for her first gynecological exam, and the nurse has her take off her clothes, put on a gown, and get in the stirrups. She tells her the doctor will be in in a minute.

The doctor comes in and tells the young lady that she has one of the most beautiful vaginas he’s ever seen, and he has seen a lot of them. She thanks him for the compliment. He tells her he is about to start the examination, but he is going to have to numb her first, when she says ok, he goes:

"Num num num num num!"

What's the difference between a mole and a priest?

One will till your 13 to put hairs on your face.

I put my fish on a leash so I could teach him to walk. Then I took him out for a walk. Then, when I put him back in the tank, he stopped moving.

How do you surprise a blind kid?

Put a plunger in the toilet.

Yo mama was so fat, the Earth was flat before they put your mama in a grave.

There was a kid in a wheelchair. I put him on fire and called him Hot Wheels.

Why was the American kid late to school?

Because he was too busy putting on his bulletproof vest.

How do you get black kids to stop jumping off the bed?

You put Velcro on the ceiling.

How do you get the black kids down?

You invite the Mexicans over.

What does a sad cowboy and a supernatural fan have in common?

Both want to put a Winchester in their mouth.

I put a pipe bomb in an orphanage. 🤡🤡

What is a testicle's favorite book?

Put Tony's Nuts in Your Mouth!

Friend: What are you doing?

Me: Putting peanut butter on my balls.

Friend hears in the distance, "Orphans, I have food for you!"

I once put the Bible in the fiction section.

Why is a ball rolling when you put it on a hill?

Because it is circle.

How do you put a baby in a blender feet first so you can see its facial expressions?

How do you get the baby out? With a tortilla chip!

I was fucking this girl, and I started to make her cry.

She mumbled things and squirmed, but I couldn't hear her through the gag I put in her mouth.

So I walked into my bathroom to clean some stuff, and no one ever told me you can't put phones in the bathtub!

How do you hire a horse? Easy. Just put up a ladder.