Put jokes

One time I broke a leg and I was using a wheelchair.

My parents thought I was a disappointment and put me up on eBay, the Ohioan Black Market, and the nearest adoption center.

Some guy: making a sandwich.

Me: *rages* to put the ham in!

You're so ugly that they faked a whole pandemic just so you can put on a mask to cover that ugly-ass face.

Yo hairline so put back that you could put 10 big size ramen noodles there.

Your hairline is so far back that when your teacher puts you in the front of the class, your hairline is quite in the back.

Little Jim's friend told him that if he farts, he will give him a tenner. Little Jim tries to fart, but he poos himself, and he is bullied until he puts the poo on the bullies' face.

Man, I didn't know they put Humpty Dumpty back together!

It smells like something died in my room, oh yeah, it's my dignity, hope, and my feeling. Put in the corner of my room, they make a decent blanket to wipe my tears.

Your hairline pushed back lookin' like you got slapped up by Will Smith.

Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?

What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.

P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.

There was a kid and a historian in a museum about WW2 and were looking at Hitler in a car doing the Nazi salute. The kid said, “Why is he putting his arm in the air?” The historian said, “Indicators on cars didn’t exist back then so he’s probably saying take the Third Reich!”

I put a guy in a fridge. He said, "I had a nightmare!"

What does Stephen Hawking put his food in? A microwave.

What did Helen Keller's mother do to her when she was mad at her?

She left the plunger in the toilet, she put doorknobs on all the walls, and she rearranged the furniture.

I just got my COVID vaccine, and this lady said, "You have no idea what you put in your body." I said, "Yet you are eating chorizo."

What do you get when you put a vest on an alligator?

An investigator!

You only put your user name under Daddyboy_01 because your dad left you, hahahah!

You look like a cow went through puberty, put the milk before the cereal, then ate it with a fork with a little sprinkle of steak.

It must be tiring to put makeup on two faces.

Your hairline so bad that when your teacher puts you to sit in the front of the class, your hairline be all the way in the back.