Purchase jokes
Where do you buy cows in bulk?
At the stock market.
There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."
How can you buy emos? Just use their bar code.
I'm so poor that they let me buy the entire store! For $0...
A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."
My girlfriend left me for spending my own money. I buy this bitch thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff, but I spend 100 dollars on a prostitute, she leaves me.
I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
One is made of plastic and bad for kids; the other one holds shopping.
Why do orphans never get a car?
Because their parents need to buy them one.
Why can the orphan only buy 1 ice cream cone?
He can't afford a family pack.
Where do orphans get stuff from?
The reject shop.
*walks into sex shop*
Hello. I would like to buy 1 sex, please.
I'm so poor I have to put my Big Mac burger on layaway.
What's the difference between parents and a boomerang?
The boomerang comes back from the store with milk.
I bought my son a trampoline. That little a**hole stayed in his wheelchair the whole day.
Elderly man: Can I get a discount, please? I fought in World War 2.
Cashier: Sure!
Elderly man: Danke.
Little Johnny walked into an ice cream shop and asked: "Do you have chocolate filled ice cream?"
The man replies: "We are out of that, sorry, we are almost out of every single flavor, do you want me to get you a vanilla filled one?"
Johnny replies: "Sure."
After that, the man asks for Johnny's phone and goes to back of the store. 5 minutes later, the man comes with an ice cream and Johnny's phone.
Johnny asks: "How much for the ice cream?"
The man replies: "Nothing, it's on the house."
After Johnny ate his delicious ice cream, he searched for his watch history. And then Johnny realized the flavor of the ice cream.
I bought a book for my blind friend.
My mom bought me a car, and she called me an ungrateful b*tch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time.
If I had a genie grant me wishes, I wouldn't wish for a million pounds. I'd just wish that every time I buy something I just have the right amount of money in my pocket at the time.