Purchase jokes

My girlfriend left me for spending my own money. I buy this bitch thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff, but I spend 100 dollars on a prostitute, she leaves me.

I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?

One is made of plastic and bad for kids; the other one holds shopping.

Why do orphans never get a car?

Because their parents need to buy them one.

Why can the orphan only buy 1 ice cream cone?

He can't afford a family pack.

Where do orphans get stuff from?

The reject shop.

*walks into sex shop*

Hello. I would like to buy 1 sex, please.

I'm so poor I have to put my Big Mac burger on layaway.

What's the difference between parents and a boomerang?

The boomerang comes back from the store with milk.

I bought my son a trampoline. That little a**hole stayed in his wheelchair the whole day.

Elderly man: Can I get a discount, please? I fought in World War 2.

Cashier: Sure!

Elderly man: Danke.

Little Johnny walked into an ice cream shop and asked: "Do you have chocolate filled ice cream?"

The man replies: "We are out of that, sorry, we are almost out of every single flavor, do you want me to get you a vanilla filled one?"

Johnny replies: "Sure."

After that, the man asks for Johnny's phone and goes to back of the store. 5 minutes later, the man comes with an ice cream and Johnny's phone.

Johnny asks: "How much for the ice cream?"

The man replies: "Nothing, it's on the house."

After Johnny ate his delicious ice cream, he searched for his watch history. And then Johnny realized the flavor of the ice cream.

I bought a book for my blind friend.

My mom bought me a car, and she called me an ungrateful b*tch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time.

If I had a genie grant me wishes, I wouldn't wish for a million pounds. I'd just wish that every time I buy something I just have the right amount of money in my pocket at the time.

Abortion is becoming more and more expensive these days. So visit Ammu-nation and pick up an Armsan RS-X1 tactical shotgun. It comes with a free box of ammo and a three year warranty. Buy now, pay later.

My friend bought a Tom Holland blanket and I said, "Well, now you're sleeping with him."

You're adopted, that's why your mom or dad never came back with the milk!

You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.

Q: Why can't the orphan buy Robux?

A: He could not use his mother's credit card.