Purchase jokes
My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and he just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self-raising.
A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say "Thank God" and to stop the horse, to say "Hallelujah". The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled "Hallelujah" and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said "Thank God".
The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?
I bought a wooden whistle, but it wooden whistle. So I bought a steel whistle, but it steel wooden whistle. So THEN I bought a LED whistle but it steel wooden LED me whistle.
You'd think my son would be happy that Daddy bought him a new bike. But no... oh no, he just sits in his wheelchair and cries like a little girl.
I went to the shops yesterday. I bought roast chicken, eggs, and duck. The cashier read $45.99. It was an egg-cellent price!
My wife told me, "Don't buy 1 gun while on your trip," so I decided to buy 2 guns instead.
I bought a wooden whistle. But it wouldn't whistle, so I bought a steel whistle. But it still wouldn't whistle. So I bought a lead whistle, but it still wouldn't lead me to whistle.
I go to the shop and buy 2 pints of kimo.
Cashier: "Will you want the milk in a bag today, sir?"
Customer: "I’ll just keep it in the carton if you don’t mind."
A man went to a Ford dealership hoping to find a car, but he said they weren't affordable.
Where do leg amputees go to buy a car? IHOP
How did you get that? Used your life savings?
I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
Where did the cat go when it lost its tail? -- To the retail store!
When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat? -- When there's a sail on it.
I was very lonely so I bought some shares. -- It's nice to have a bit of company.
A programmer and his wife.
She says, "We're out of bread. Please go to the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."
After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.
The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"
He replies, "They had eggs."
Why doesn't Jesus buy beer?
Hebrews.