Purchase jokes
*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stockpiled "just in case".
The whole lot collapsed and buried him.
Why couldn't the orphan buy chips?
They were all family sized.
Why buy a pregnant slave over a normal slave? Buy 1 get 1 free. 😂😂😂😂
I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.
It was a complete waste of money.
He just stands there applauding and saying, "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."
What was the worse purchase America ever made?
Spending billions on two rice cookers in 1945.
Q: Why did the orphan buy an iPhone X?
A: Because it has no home button.
Where do you buy a dishwasher?
Hot singles in your area.
I bought drugs today.
Little Johnny and his dad were going to buy a horse.
Dad: Rubbing on the horse’s chest and butt.
Little Johnny: What are you doing?
Dad: Checking to see if the horse is healthy so I can buy it.
Little Johnny: Oh well, I think the mall man wants to buy mom.
What did the pelican say when he finished shopping?
"Put it in my bill."
Why did the baker give the shopper a butt? Because she asked for a butt!
Yo mama is so stupid, because when she gave birth to you, she asked for a receipt!
So an orphan goes to the store and gets a bunch of cartons of milk.
The cashier goes, "Woah, why so much?"
The orphan goes, "My dad never came back with the milk, so, well, here we are!"
What’s the difference between a barcode and Rachel Sutherland’s wrist?
Nothing, they both get scanned for a fresh new pack of razor blades.
An Indian kid walked into the shop and had a curry down because they had no naan bread in stock.
Why did the lady go to the dealership? Because she was going to get Hereford.
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.
I said to him: "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."
I was going to buy a watch today, but I didn't have time.
Setting: Funeral Home
Customer: Yes, I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation, but I feel that's silly to ask.
Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over here at a discounted 75 percent off.
Customer: Okay? What's the catch? That's almost 300 dollars off?
Funeral Director: I assure you these are top-of-the-line urns and will keep your loved ones' remains secure and dry.
Customer: Okay?
Funeral Director: Yep, these have only been used once, so it is absolutely worth the purchase.
By: MiniMemorials.com