I liked my life when I first got it... Later they said no because I didn’t have the receipt.
Aunt: On the internet, buying weight loss pills for 15 dollars.
Niece: I found that show on Netflix that you wanted to watch. It's 3 dollars to watch.
Aunt: I'm not paying for that shit.
Niece: Yet you sit there and buy weight loss pills.
One day, an orphan bought a boomerang. He threw it, and it didn’t come back.
You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore?
They are a total rip off.
I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. So I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle. So I bought an iron whistle. But ironically it steel wooden lead me whistle.
What’s the difference between people and chocolate? I can still buy dark chocolate.
I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.
What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self-raising.
A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say "Thank God" and to stop the horse, to say "Hallelujah". The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled "Hallelujah" and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said "Thank God".
The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?
You'd think my son would be happy that Daddy bought him a new bike. But no... oh no, he just sits in his wheelchair and cries like a little girl.
I went to the shops yesterday. I bought roast chicken, eggs, and duck. The cashier read $45.99. It was an egg-cellent price!
My wife told me, "Don't buy 1 gun while on your trip," so I decided to buy 2 guns instead.
I bought a wooden whistle. But it wouldn't whistle, so I bought a steel whistle. But it still wouldn't whistle. So I bought a lead whistle, but it still wouldn't lead me to whistle.
I go to the shop and buy 2 pints of kimo.
Cashier: "Will you want the milk in a bag today, sir?"
Customer: "I’ll just keep it in the carton if you don’t mind."
A man went to a Ford dealership hoping to find a car, but he said they weren't affordable.
Where do leg amputees go to buy a car?
IHOP
How did you get that? Used your life savings?
I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
