Puns
A man walks into a bar and sees a piece of steak on the ceiling.
The cashier says, "If you can grab it, your meal's free!"
The man then said, "Nah, the stakes are too high."
What did one hurricane say to the other?
"I got my EYE on you!"
Bob: Kanye West.
Dad: No, but I can East.
What is Jack Frost's favorite mode of transport?
A Tri-cycle.
What do you call a tall, affluent person? A big success.
I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
Are you a lightbulb, cuz you brighten up my day?
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft, and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
What happens when you suck?
You succ.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.
I was running away from expired grocery items with my friend, when I got out I noticed he was left for bread. I felt so guilty, he was toast. I'm not loafing this.
Why does the large dildo not have any friends?
He's a pain in the ass.
A man got fired from the first coin factory. He exclaimed, "No! This is the only thing that's ever made cents!"
I walked into the party and the host asked me if I would like a slice of pie.
I responded "yes," and he said: "okay, 14159."
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
A shoplifter tried to rob a grocery store.
He was asked to give an "eggsplanation."
First human comes.
Sans: That was pun intended.
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a badly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.
What do you call frozen web?
A web-cicle.
Last night I had a dream about fishing poles, turns out it wasn't reel!