Puns
I'm a teacher at a high school, but I got fired. They told me I didn't do any work even though I always did a skele-ton.
I got a horse and I named it Hermio-nae.
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft? A flat miner.
A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."
What did one skeleton say to the other?
Skeleton 1: "I need a hand!"
Skeleton 2: (Throws up hand)
Skeleton 1: "That wasn't very humerus."
Skeleton 2: "Why do you have to be so heartless?"
Skeleton 1: "At least I had the guts to tell you!"
Hey Jonny, you can buy a...
Pun o' chips at the store!
Sans, you lazybones, get up and do something.
Sans: I am doing something.
Papyrus: Oh yeah, what?
Sans: Thinking up a skele-ton of jokes.
Papyrus: SANSSSsSsSsSssSsSSsSsSsSSsSSsSsSsS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will end you.
Sans: What, does someone not have a funny bone? Oh wait, do you have a bone to pick with me? I have 206.
Hey Max, what's up? The sky.
People who are afraid of pedophiles... need to grow up.
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
Patient: Doctor, I feel like a needle.
Doctor: I see your point!
Have you heard the gossip about the butter? Oh, I guess I better not spread it.
Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de Brie!
Two rabbits were racing. Neither could get ahead, so they ended in a hare-tie!
It's the Olympics.
Q) Why did the man decide not to run in his race? A) Because of Olympiad.
You cat to be kitten me right meow!
We have been cursed by curse-ive.
The man was absolutely delighted to find that every lamp in his house was stolen.
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."