Puns
So, some ants in a colony go to war. They want some more troops and know that there are ants that went to wars as well. They call them war-ants.
They start barging into homes to search for more war-ants. They barge into a home, and the lady-ant goes, "Hey, why are you here? Can you please leave?" One of the ants replies with, "I'm sorry, but unless you have a war-ant, we have to keep searching your house."
How did the flight attendant want their burger?
Just plane!
What’s a sheep’s favorite song?
"Baby Don’t Herd Me."
The Breakfast Couples: (Bacon) - Don't go bacon my heart.
(Egg) - I couldn't if I fried.
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
Why did the skeleton not go to the ball? Because he had no body to go with.
What do you call a gay scientist? Stephen Hawqueen.
22 ants were playing football in a saucer.
One ant said to another one, “We'll have to play better tomorrow. We're playing in the cup!”
Where did the cow go on his first date? To the moovies.
I had a friend named Mari. Sadly, she did drugs.
So one day I go up to her and say, “Mari-juana do this???” She later asked me to leave forever... I don’t gnome why, but... it CRACKed me up a bit!!!
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?
Russell
So, there was this cop on the top bunk of a bunk bed.
Another cop walks in and sits on the bottom bunk and the cop on the top bunk bed said, "You're under a-rest."
Why are birds good at social media?
Because they "tweet" all the time!?
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
Because he lost his filling.
People shouldn’t be afraid during a zombie apocalypse.
They can stay in their living room.
What do you call an egg murder?
An eggs-terminator!
I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...
I know, I'm going to hell!
The flower made a phone call and became cauliflower.
A joker held the door open for me the other day. It was a nice gesture.
Gaston gets the no-Belle prize! :D