Ant

22 ants were playing football in a saucer.

One ant said to another one, “We'll have to play better tomorrow. We're playing in the cup!”

  • 1
  • Marijuana

    I had a friend named Mari. Sadly, she did drugs.

    So one day I go up to her and say, “Mari-juana do this???” She later asked me to leave forever... I don’t gnome why, but... it CRACKed me up a bit!!!

  • 1
  • Man

    What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?

    Russell

    Cop

    So, there was this cop on the top bunk of a bunk bed.

    Another cop walks in and sits on the bottom bunk and the cop on the top bunk bed said, "You're under a-rest."

    Oreo

    Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?

    Because he lost his filling.

    Bird

    Why are birds good at social media?

    Because they "tweet" all the time!?

    Helicopter

    I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...

    I know, I'm going to hell!

  • 1
  • Cucumber

    What did the cucumber say to the bell pepper that wasn't wearing enough clothes?

    You need more dressing.

    Emo

    What do you call a group of emo people?

    "The Suicide Squad."

    Joker

    A joker held the door open for me the other day. It was a nice gesture.