22 ants were playing football in a saucer.
One ant said to another one, “We'll have to play better tomorrow. We're playing in the cup!”
Puns
Where did the cow go on his first date? To the moovies.
I had a friend named Mari. Sadly, she did drugs.
So one day I go up to her and say, “Mari-juana do this???” She later asked me to leave forever... I don’t gnome why, but... it CRACKed me up a bit!!!
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?
Russell
So, there was this cop on the top bunk of a bunk bed.
Another cop walks in and sits on the bottom bunk and the cop on the top bunk bed said, "You're under a-rest."
People shouldn’t be afraid during a zombie apocalypse.
They can stay in their living room.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
Because he lost his filling.
Why are birds good at social media?
Because they "tweet" all the time!?
What do you call an egg murder?
An eggs-terminator!
I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...
I know, I'm going to hell!
What do Time Clocks like to play?
Tick Tack Toe.
What did momma seal name her twin girls?
Luceal and Sealia.
What did the cucumber say to the bell pepper that wasn't wearing enough clothes?
You need more dressing.
What do you call a group of emo people?
"The Suicide Squad."
The flower made a phone call and became cauliflower.
Gaston gets the no-Belle prize! :D
A joker held the door open for me the other day. It was a nice gesture.
My new leaf blower doesn't work. It sucks.
A llama kicked me out of my house. Alpaca my bags.
All trucks are monster trucks if you’re afraid of trucks.
