Stoner

Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.

He was high on my list of priorities.

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  • Secret

    Why shouldn't you tell a secret in a corn field?

    Because they are full of ears!

    Now that was a corny joke.

    And yes, it was rather a-maize-ing.

    Mime

    I was raped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.

    Wiener

    Roses are red, But grass is greener, When I think of you, I play with my wiener.

    Slide

    Three kids one day found a magical slide. There was a sign next to it saying, “Whatever you wish for comes true once you slide down.” One kid stepped up and slid down. He wished for a river of chocolate, thus he swam in a chocolate river.

    The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money. He then landed in a pile of money. The third kid went down and said, “Weeeeeeee!”

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  • Spaghetti

    My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!

    Llama

    My Llama's cousin sucks at going on vacation.

    He just stands there; "I'll pack uhhhh...."

    Bank

    My bank loves me. They told me my credit card balance is outstanding.

    Place

    Person: I broke my arm in three places.

    Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.

    Tree

    Can I branch out to some tree puns? Willow you allow me it’s only fur. No? Oakome on!

    Pasta

    My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

    Nun

    Why do nuns walk in groups?

    So one “nun” can keep an eye on the other “nun” just to make sure that she isn’t getting "nun".