Puns
I took a bite of my lunch. “Is that a sand witch?!”
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.
He was high on my list of priorities.
Why shouldn't you tell a secret in a corn field?
Because they are full of ears!
Now that was a corny joke.
And yes, it was rather a-maize-ing.
How does NASA organize a party? -- They planet.
No matter how much I love cake...
I would never dessert you.
I was raped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.
Roses are red, But grass is greener, When I think of you, I play with my wiener.
Where did the sheep get a haircut?
At the baa-baa shop.
I named my horse Mayo.
Mayo neighs.
What did the pillow say as it fell off the bed?
Oh sheet!
I told my mum the refrigerator was running, so she got dressed and ran after it...
Three kids one day found a magical slide. There was a sign next to it saying, “Whatever you wish for comes true once you slide down.” One kid stepped up and slid down. He wished for a river of chocolate, thus he swam in a chocolate river.
The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money. He then landed in a pile of money. The third kid went down and said, “Weeeeeeee!”
My bank loves me. They told me my credit card balance is outstanding.
My Llama's cousin sucks at going on vacation.
He just stands there; "I'll pack uhhhh...."
Person: I broke my arm in three places.
Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.
My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!
What did the paintings name their daughter?
Palette.
Did you hear about the guy who got electrocuted?
It was quite a shocker.
Can I branch out to some tree puns? Willow you allow me it’s only fur. No? Oakome on!
My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!