Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.
He was high on my list of priorities.
How does NASA organize a party? -- They planet.
Why shouldn't you tell a secret in a corn field?
Because they are full of ears!
Now that was a corny joke.
And yes, it was rather a-maize-ing.
No matter how much I love cake...
I would never dessert you.
I was raped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.
Roses are red, But grass is greener, When I think of you, I play with my wiener.
Where did the sheep get a haircut?
At the baa-baa shop.
I named my horse Mayo.
Mayo neighs.
What did the pillow say as it fell off the bed?
Oh sheet!
I told my mum the refrigerator was running, so she got dressed and ran after it...
Three kids one day found a magical slide. There was a sign next to it saying, “Whatever you wish for comes true once you slide down.” One kid stepped up and slid down. He wished for a river of chocolate, thus he swam in a chocolate river.
The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money. He then landed in a pile of money. The third kid went down and said, “Weeeeeeee!”
My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!
My Llama's cousin sucks at going on vacation.
He just stands there; "I'll pack uhhhh...."
My bank loves me. They told me my credit card balance is outstanding.
Person: I broke my arm in three places.
Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.
What did the paintings name their daughter?
Palette.
Did you hear about the guy who got electrocuted?
It was quite a shocker.
Can I branch out to some tree puns? Willow you allow me it’s only fur. No? Oakome on!
My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
Why do nuns walk in groups?
So one “nun” can keep an eye on the other “nun” just to make sure that she isn’t getting "nun".
