Puns
What did one mountain climber say to the other mountain climber?
Man, you are really on edge.
Why do elephants never get rich?
Because they work for peanuts!
I knew a guy who used to sell wrenches. He was all torque.
My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish.
I'm feeling cannelloni right now.
Why did the coffee file a police report? -- Because it was mugged.
What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"
Don't you hate it when you sit on your balls? It's a real nutcracker!
You are all going to be pun-ished!
What food makes you smart? Salt, because it's a mined food.
I was kidnapped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.
I was very lonely so I bought some shares. -- It's nice to have a bit of company.
Son: Hey Dad, can I play Fortnite?
Dad: I don't know, do you want a girlfriend?
I am throwing a party in space. Can you help me planet?
I would tell you a recycling joke.
But I’m afraid it’d just be reused over and over.
Two scientists walk into a bar. One says, "I want h20." The other said, "I want h20, too." The second scientist died.
I'm sorry for all the fish puns. I feel so GILL-ty.
As the car crashed, someone said, "I see a light!"
Why aren't apple chargers called apple juice? Also, how do you throw away trash cans?
6:30 is the best time on a clock... hands down.
Why do ballerinas wear tutus?
The one-ones are too small and the three-threes are too big.