Puns
Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl?
I’d really like to meter.
My brother couldn’t wait for fall, so I tripped him.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, he won't come anyway.
I asked my rigger buddy if he could tie me up later, he said, "I'm a frayed knot."
I saw a bear eating a duck.
It was unBEARable.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
"SUPPLIES!"
Why is Donald Duck the president? Because Donald Trump has a duck.
I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
Apple tried to make a car, but it had no windows ;)
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
Boo.
"Boo who?"
It's just a joke, no need to cry!
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a badly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.
6:30 is the best time on a clock... hands down.
What is a prisoner's favorite punctuation? A period. Why? Because it marks the end of a sentence.
Why do ghosts love elevators? They lift their spirits!
I am going to scream, this is a cry for help.
I have a friend named Mole.
She plays a game called "sandbox" to dig up dirt...
What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"
I used to work at a T-shirt factory before the company folded.
What do you call two monkeys who share the same Amazon account? Prime mates.
What happens when a clock is hungry?
It goes back four seconds.