Puns

Q: Have you ever felt a window?

A: Did you feel the pane?

I am a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite re-markable.

Why did the chicken commit suicide?

To get to the other side.

Why did the farmer go to the strip club?

Because he was looking for his hoe.

Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?

Too many cheetahs.

If you try to fail and you succeed, which one did you do?

A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"

And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."

Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?

So he could get into high school.

What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."

A pun walked into a room and killed ten people. Pun in, ten dead.

If Iron Man and Quicksilver teamed up,

They would be alloys.

I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not gonna share it. You guys didn't like it.

My bank loves me. They told me my credit card balance is outstanding.

A boy is sitting in a dentist chair getting braces, and a dentist comes in and says, "Brace yourself!"

I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.

The guy who made the knock knock joke deserves a no-bell prize.

What happened when the teacher tied all the students' shoe laces together?

They took a class trip.

I fell from the stairs the other day. It really "got me down."

So I got these new shoes, except they were from a drug dealer.

Now I don't know what they were laced with, but I was trippin' all day.

My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish. I'm feeling cannelloni right now.