Puns

What did the dad say to the kid?

"U got to be kidding me."

See, I was always told puns are funny.

But I can see now they aren't punny.

One day, there was an ugly barnacle. It was so ugly that everyone died. The end!

Tell me a joke.

OK, your face.

Am I in Florida, because I'm triggered?

Some man was walking too slow, so I told him to Mufasa.

What’s your favorite type of wood? Mine is Bollywood.

Dr. Dre caught his friend Snoop Dogg looking in other people's drawers. Dre then said, "Don't Snoop around."

How do you plan a party in outer space?

You planet.

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Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

When the Mexican wanted to go shopping,

he went to Ja-mall.

Why did the man say "hi" to say "bye?"

Hey, Hunger Games... I'm full!!

This ain't your mama's monologue.

What place is Flo Rida from? Florida.

Don't touch my pickles - they are very picklish.

Mom: Go water the plants.

Me: But it’s raining outside.

Mom: Go grab the umbrella.

Me: What???

My bro said food was cool. So I threw a piece of cool chicken at him. For some reason, he hit me, OOF.

What do you call a frozen Band-Aid?

Cool-Aid!

I hear coal mining is a rock-bottom job.