Puns

Have you seen the movie "Constipation"?

It hasn't come out yet.

I lost at Kahoot, so I had to ka-shoot.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: Because chickens are mindless creatures and do not know any better.

What do you call a Jamaican proctologist?

Pokémon!

I walked into a store, and I pointed a stick to the roof and said, "This is a stick up!"

The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."

What do big fat male cows have?

Moobs.

I can't sleep, that's because you're dead.

I'm not lazy, I'm just bone tired. I bet that one tickled your funny bone. It sure got me rattled. Don't try to stop me. I've got a skele-ton of these!

I got a horse and I named it Hermio-nae.

Pete: Knock, knock...

Paul: Who's there?

Pete: Boo...

Paul: Boo who?

Pete: Don't cry, it was only a joke!

Paul: I'm going to cry! It was such a bad joke!!!

One time, I bought a magnet. My wife asked why I bought it. I said I couldn't help myself; I felt attracted to it.

Need an arch? I Noah guy.

My life.

I have no puns because I don't play soccer.

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta!

What do you call a blind German? Someone who can't Nazi!

I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?

My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.

I have a bunch of jokes about unemployed people. It's a shame they never work!

What did one skeleton say to the other?

Skeleton 1: "I need a hand!"

Skeleton 2: (Throws up hand)

Skeleton 1: "That wasn't very humerus."

Skeleton 2: "Why do you have to be so heartless?"

Skeleton 1: "At least I had the guts to tell you!"