Puns

I told my doctor I ate a bunch of bananas. It wasn’t a very a-peeling experience.

Have you ever eaten a clock before? I heard it’s very time consuming.

You’ll parsley believe how many puns I have. Hopefully your funny-bone isn’t broken because these are real rib-ticklers.

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Yes, because a house doesn’t jump.

Me and my friends were telling puns. My teacher said we should be “pun-ished.”

I would tell you a chemistry pun, but I won't get a reaction.

I don’t have enough money to buy cheese, could you provolone me some money?

What did Goodlife Fitness say to LA Fitness? "I guess it's just not 'working out'!"

A guy walks up to me in the street and asks if you have to include the name of an animal in every sentence. I said only if it's relephant.

He says what about vegetables. I said not nesecelery.

Teacher: "Stand up, class!"

She is sitting down.

Teacher: "Whoever stands up is stupid!"

I was watching a TV show where a guy was hanging off a cliff, then the series ended... I guess you can say that they left that guy on a cliffhanger!

Asshole.

I didn’t know what a class clown was till I went to a class and realized I was a class clown in kindergarten, and then I woke up from a nightmare.

"Have you ever heard of the snail that never gives charity?"

"Yeah, he is so shellfish!"

Video game company names always make me make puns I didn't intend to.

Diarrhea.

What did the explorer say when he got tired?

I'm gonna take a map.

How do you plan a party in space? You have to planet.

I went outside to catch some dog, but I mist.

We were at a restaurant today, and my dad was talking about a place called Sea Ranch.

I asked, "What do they raise there? Sea horses?"