Puns

I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.

I've always wanted to WAVE to a dolphin, but it could never SEA me.

That dolphin is so WASHED up. WATER you say we get revenge?

sans *a'm i pune*

*piris* no.

Like if you're gay.

Dislike if you are lez.

I am going to scream, this is a cry for help.

Did you hear about the man that got fired from his can job? It was soda-pressing.

I used to have a friend who worked at a car shop who liked hunting.

I’m not friends with him anymore because he turned my dog into a car-pet.

What's a cat's favorite color? Purr-ple.

If you got a bowling ball and you stuck it on top of a sack of potatoes, what would you get?

A "retiree."

What do you call Juice WRLD in a coffin?

A juice box...

What do you call a person who's afraid of Santa?

Klaustrophobic.

So I was doing a puzzle, and I was getting triggered with it. My friend said, "It's puzzling why you're so triggered."

What do you call a shoe made by George Floyd?

The Breath Takers.

I was walking by a prison when I saw a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down the fence. When he hit the ground and sneered at me, I said, “Well, that’s a little condescending.”

Beth was from Spain and she had a pig. What did they call her?

Beth-la-ham

Three copycats on a boat, one jumps off. How many are left? Zero, because they're copycats!

Have you ever heard of Jane Doe? Well, her husband's name is Dill, so I guess that makes him a dildo!

My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.

What do you tell a dead metal fan?

Rust in peace.

After all the mudslides in the area, the streets became a mudder out there.