My friend and I were playing Poker... And my friend also beat me with Jackass.
How is baseball like cake?
They both need batters.
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!
Q: I'm a famous athlete and I've got a lot of fans.
A: Is that why I never see you sweat?
What kind of veggie is always getting itself into a hard situation?
A pickle.
What mountain do people like to race on?
Mount Rushmore.
Get it?
What kind of instrument is always having to go potty?
A pee-ano/piano.
What do you call a calf that is in no way brave?
A coward.
What kind of paper gets stuck to your foot?
DUH! A sticker.
What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?
"I'm totally dogging it today..."
If chickens wake up when the rooster crows, then when do ducks wake up?
At the quack of dawn.
What starts with "P" and ends with "E" and has a million letters?
Post Office.
I would tell jokes about Kobe, but they would just crash and burn.
What do planets read?
Comet books.
Doctor: You need new glasses.
Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.
Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.
What do planets use to download music?
Nep-tunes.
Why does it get hot after a baseball game?
'Cause all the fans have left.
I was walking to the park and a mystery killer came and shot me.
Doctor: Hands husband his baby.
Doctor: I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it.
Husband: Then give me the one she made.
Why are the jokes fat? Because you made it.
