Puns
Why is it wrong to put a beef or turkey patty in a burger?
'Cause it's a ham-burger, isn't it?
Q: Gaining weight is gonna be a piece of cake.
What nails do carpenters hate to hit?
Thumb nails.
What would be a pet's favorite thing to click on on this website?
Cat-egories.
Get it?
Why do planets circle the sun?
'Cause they like the game of ring-around-the-rosy.
Why do cats like to sleep on the floor?
'Cause it's a car-PET.
What did the undershirt say to the T-shirt when they were fighting?
"If you don't shut up right now, you're gonna lose your shirt!!!"
Get it?
What did the dog say when he got its tail caught in the door?
"It won't be long now..."
What did the window say to the door?
"What are you squeaking about? I'm the one with the panes!"
Get it?
Q: I often think I'm ugly, but then I think of my sister and get over it.
My friend and I were playing Poker... And my friend also beat me with Jackass.
How is baseball like cake?
They both need batters.
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!
Q: I'm a famous athlete and I've got a lot of fans.
A: Is that why I never see you sweat?
What kind of veggie is always getting itself into a hard situation?
A pickle.
What mountain do people like to race on?
Mount Rushmore.
Get it?
What kind of instrument is always having to go potty?
A pee-ano/piano.
What do you call a calf that is in no way brave?
A coward.
What kind of paper gets stuck to your foot?
DUH! A sticker.
What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?
"I'm totally dogging it today..."