Puns
What did the pen say to the pencil? You have a point.
What do you call a Mexican under a carpet? Underlay, underlay.
What do you call a Chinese boxer?
U lamb chow.
I sleep in a castle once every 2 weeks.
It's my fort knight.
Why did the squirrel swim on its back?
So it didn't get its nuts wet.
What do you call 2 octopuses that look the same? Identical!
Where does an octopus put its money? In an octo-purse!
What do you call an act of “funny” discipline? A PUN-ishment!
Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂
Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.
Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.
I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snowbank.
What did the mustard say to the ketchup? "Quit running so fast, let me ketchup to you."
A vampire stalks you into a field of corn. The stakes have never been higher...
The cheetah had a race with a lion, and the cheetah won.
The lion was like, "Why you always a cheetah?"
The cheetah was like, "Why you always lion (lying)?"
What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?
R2 Detour.
I was going to log a pun about trees, but you wooden understand it.
Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.
A duck walks into a bar. The duck says to the bartender, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No." Then the duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "NO!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No, and if you say that one more time I will nail your bill to this bar!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any nails?" The bartender says, "No." The duck says, "Well then, bartender, got any bread?"
Never hide something behind a bookshelf. It's the oldest trick in the book!
You know what pun is used for "waist?"
Nothing. You'll find nothing.
It's just a waste of time.
What did the boy say to his brother at chemistry class?
"Hey BrO!"
My girlfriend broke up with me this morning, and we just started dating yesterday.
Now she's having a breakfast.