Puns
What do you call a Mongolian swindler? A Khan artist.
Your mom, bro! XD Roasted! Lmfaoooooooooo!
The vampire was kept awake all night because of his wife's coughin' (coffin...coughin'...get it?)
You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore? They are a total rip off.
What happened when the teacher tied all the students' shoe laces together?
They took a class trip.
Question: What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?
Answer: Damn!
I just watched a program about beavers. It was the worst dam program I've ever seen.
I told you ten puns to make you laugh, and I do not pun in-ten-did.
Why did the pony have to gargle? Maybe because he was feeling a little hoarse.
If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner. There's usually 90 degrees.
I've always wanted to WAVE to a dolphin, but it could never SEA me.
That dolphin is so WASHED up. WATER you say we get revenge?
What do you call a 100-year-old frog?
An old croak!
Question: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Answer: Because they taste funny!
GRAVEYARD SAVINGS:
While leafing through our local newspaper, I noticed this classified ad: “For sale: one used tombstone. Splendid opportunity for a family named Dingle.”
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.” He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become. On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again. “Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So, she gets a divorce.
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.