What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victim less!
Punishment Jokes
Chuck Norris gets pulled over by a cop, and the cop gets a ticket.
Today I saw my son lick out a tub of butter. I told him to make a sandwich without butter for a week (as a punishment). He said, "Okay," and licked the bread. "It's really easy to spread," he said. LOL!
My mom has a policy where if you kill a butterfly, no butter for a week, and if you kill a grub, no grub for a week.
She killed a cockroach today. I have some bad news for her.
Oh, sh**! I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?
One day, I came home from school and said to my dad, "I got expelled from school today." He said, "How?" I said, "I threw my book at the teacher." He asked, "Why?" I told him, "We were doing an anti-bullying program, and my teacher said words can't hurt me, so I threw my dictionary at her."
You should never try Afghan weed because people in Afghanistan get stoned to death.
How do they execute paraplegics?
With the electric wheelchair.
what do you call a drunken sailer?
arrested.
Did you hear about the two burglars that stole a calendar?
I hear they got six months each.
If you steal a lottery ticket, is it considered Grand Theft Lotto?
If you're ever bored, kick an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.
What's a convict's favorite chore?
Weeding.
Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to go through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them, "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven."
The first guy says, "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times." The angel gives him an old model pick up. The second guy says, "11 years and only once," and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says, "20 years and not once. I loved her with all my heart," and with the angel impressed, he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later, the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says, "I know we are dead, but it could be much worse."
The guy looks up and says, "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard!"
What does a paedophile say when he gets to heaven?
A: Where's the holy baby?
You are all going to be pun-ished!
I just got a job at the prison library.
It has its prose and cons.
People who torture others for making bad puns should be severely punished.
Some people think "prison" is one word, but to robbers, it's a whole sentence.
