Punishment jokes
One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, "Just because you killed the butterfly, you don't get butter for a week."
They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, "Nice try."
Age is just a number,
Jail is just a room.
When your mom tries to hit you with the belt but misses and hits herself... #victoryroyale
Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."
The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.
The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.
The third lady says, "I never had a husband."
The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."
They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.
The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."
"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"
Why do I call my dog a vibrator?
Because every time my dog acts like a dildo, I beat him, and when I beat him, he shakes. What do you call a shaking dildo? A vibrator, therefore I call my dog a vibrator.
What's the difference between my dad and my stepdad?
My stepdad beat my ass before he left.
When you lose a game of Kahoot, so you kashoot up the school.
You have been a bad boy, so now I will have to pun-ish you!
What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victim less!
Chuck Norris gets pulled over by a cop, and the cop gets a ticket.
Today I saw my son lick out a tub of butter. I told him to make a sandwich without butter for a week (as a punishment). He said, "Okay," and licked the bread. "It's really easy to spread," he said. LOL!
My mom has a policy where if you kill a butterfly, no butter for a week, and if you kill a grub, no grub for a week.
She killed a cockroach today. I have some bad news for her.
Oh, sh**! I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?
One day, I came home from school and said to my dad, "I got expelled from school today." He said, "How?" I said, "I threw my book at the teacher." He asked, "Why?" I told him, "We were doing an anti-bullying program, and my teacher said words can't hurt me, so I threw my dictionary at her."
You should never try Afghan weed because people in Afghanistan get stoned to death.
How do they execute paraplegics?
With the electric wheelchair.
what do you call a drunken sailer?
arrested.
Did you hear about the two burglars that stole a calendar?
I hear they got six months each.
If you steal a lottery ticket, is it considered Grand Theft Lotto?
If you're ever bored, kick an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?