Profession

Profession jokes

My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”

They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.

I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.

... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

It only takes one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to want to change.

Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.

Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.

Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.

Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?

Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?

What does an apple and a lawyer have in common?

They both look good hanging from a tree.

How many hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.

A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.

boss: "We have to let you go."

surgeon: "I protest innocence."

boss: "How?"

surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."

boss: "Get out!"

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  • What did the 90s rocker Space Engineer in multiplayer Miner yell at the Troll stealing his stuff?

    "Hey! give me my Nickelback!"

    A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.

    How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.