9/11 was probably just a women pilot
you're so fat you probably apply sunscreen with a paint roller
Well on the positive side: the Mexicans will probably want to pay for, and build, that wall at this point! Maybe the Canadians as well; two free walls!
Have you ever been to the ocean? Well, the smokers out there probably only seaweed!
I have a saying. Whenever you find a sink, there's probably a dead baby inside it...
I feel bad for cumming on my turtle
Why the fuck would I do that. I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn in my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me in the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watch and honestly I'm probably going to watch porn on dvd instead from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with my I wouldn't feel lonely. Well I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, i took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn't want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle when I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didn't say a word about it, he didn't move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forgot the look my turtle gave me. His disappointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forgot what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him and I know he still remembers what i did to him 3 hours ago. My only wish, is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.
I would make a joke about short people but they probably couldn't hear it
What do eggs use in war? Eggk47s get my yolk this is really cracking me up! They’d probably get shellshocked wasn’t it all eggcelent Ok Ok I’m headed for the egg it. Why did the new egg fell so good? It just got laid.
Wanna hear a paper joke? You know what, probably not because it’s TEAR-able. :/
Why do people think Mozart was autistic?
Because he was probably ritarded
Why did alice from wonderland get her butt stuck in the rabbit hole at first? Because she probably ate too many hamburgers and drank too much wine just out of nowhere then told her butt to hold it in before more food pops out.
Daddy bear said, "Somebody's been sleeping in my bed". Mummy bear said, "It was probably your whore Linda".
What was David Bowie’s last hit? Probably heroin.
The reason Stephen Hawkings died is probably because he feel off his wheelchair, and he must've pressed shut down by accident.
cancer isnt real its probably special affects
Jesus seemed like he was probably a good guy; healed the sick, fed the hungry, and gave good advice. Jesus had only one flaw: he was always hanging around.
I have a short TRUE story of how i found out my brother was gay and did "it" with his best friend. when my brother was 12-13 years, he fucked his best friend and i saw it. i was like 4-5 years UNDERSTANDING what "it" stood for at the time. all i heard was "ahh" and "mmm". the only thing that traumatized me the most was when my brother moaned "daddy". i was so traumatized that i told my mother about it, she rolled her eyes and said, "he's probably playing a game with Evan". BULLSHIT.. NO YOU DUMBASS. he was playing the game "SEX". more like "GAY SEX". I even told my father and he said, "I don't understand what you're trying to say". I told him DIRECTLY that i heard my brother say "daddy" to his damn best friend! i actually got so curious, i opened the door and saw then doing "69". i was blank white after i saw it. i will NEVER forget that he did "it" with his own best friend.. NEVER forget about it. (just a btw i still have the image stuck in my head and never forget how YOUNG he was..) (he ain't no virgin not more i guess lmfao.)
(MORE STORIES COMING SOON =D)
You're so skinny, you probably wipe your ass with floss.
to RANDYYYY,
hi randy this is ALYA i dont want. to fight with you if your an orphan and you do know about your past you probably get sad right? well these jokes just bring up the bad times up for me.
-ALYA with love
