Probability jokes

Two men are walking down the street and see a dog licking its balls. One man says, "I wish I could do that." The other one says, "You can probably just pet him."

Heterosexual sodomy is like religion. If you were forced to accept it when you were younger, you probably would not like it when you become an adult.

If you're ever bored, jump on Vedanta, what is he going to do, tell his parents? (He probably will.)

A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"

The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"

The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

Ever wonder where people got their surnames? Mr. Baker was probably a baker. Mr. Butcher was probably a butcher. And then there was Mr. Dickinson...

I talk about the girls in my math class simping over anime characters and making random ships as well as for Miraculous Ladybug children's show, whatever the show is called, but it's a kids show. 💀 Now they’re searching up pictures of Tom Holland laughing in their absolute weirdness.

I like Tom Holland, but these kids man, they like him like they’re in a relationship. They might as well start kissing and licking the screen. They’re probably writing fanfictions in their free time when they aren’t searching up kids show characters, anime characters, and Tom Holland pics on their SCHOOL CHROMEBOOK. Their only device choice was a school-provided laptop which is monitored by the school while they are writing fan fictions on Google Docs and searching up some weird Tom Holland stuff. Imagine how Tom Holland would feel if he found out that there are 11 year old girls searching up some weird stuff about him.

How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.

A dog walked into a tavern and said, "I can't see a thing. I'll open this one."

The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.

*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."

Person 2: "Probably Bullets."

Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"

Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."

Person 1: "...."

Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."

I should probably stop making abortion jokes.

After all, the aborted babies aren't laughing.

5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.

The sexual shout "Yes Daddy" probably originated in Alabama.

So this guy thought he was funny by pissing on the floor and not in the urinal.

Later on, I guess some kid ran into the bathroom because, well, he probably had to go, but yeah, he slipped and fell and hit his head on the urinal, so all in all it was a pretty good prank on his part.

How is spinach like anal sex? If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.

I did so much research that I got bone-tired from doing this, tibia honest. You probably didn't find that humerus. I got a skeleton of these puns. I guess I could learn a femur puns. I was wondering if the creators of this site could talus how they come up with puns or maybe give some advice? I'm only 14 years old.

Did you hear about the lesbian midget? She probably came out of the cabinet.

Now that I think about it, Jane Doe's story actually makes complete sense. If I were dumb enough to show up blackout drunk for a threesome at a frat party, it'd probably also take me 20 days of regret to realize that being raped is a way better look than a gang-bang straight off of Pornhub.

Vladimir Putin is probably a homophobe because he has to go through life with the name of a gay porn star.

What do Jane Doe and a cheap discount store have in common?

When the shop's open late, inventory management shuts down, but we all know there's probably some sausages in there.

Did you just fart a minute ago in the dumpster? I can tell you probably had a mud burrito for breakfast.