My life #freemymanrkelly
Prison Jokes
How do inmates keep in touch?
They have cell phones.
What is a prisoner's favorite punctuation?
A period.
Why?
Because it marks the end of a sentence.
Did you hear about the four foot tall psychic who escaped prison?
He's a small medium at large.
Three men are shipwrecked on a jungle island and taken prisoner by the residing cannibals. They are all told to walk into the jungle and come back with one piece of fruit. They go in and the first man comes out with a peach. He is instructed to shove it in his ass, and if he laughs, he will be killed. He tries and dies.
The second man comes back with a grape and is instructed to do the same. When the two meet at the pearly gates, the first man says, "I had a peach. They're fuzzy. You had a grape. What's your excuse?"
"Well, I was doing fine until I saw Jimmy come out of the brush with a pineapple."
Why did the person go to jail?
He committed a crime.
7 little children gathered around the bed Bill Cosby's fantasy.
All he wants to do is tickle the kids, it's as plain as can be.
7 cellmates gathered around the bed ready to rape Bill Cosby instead.
What does Christian say when he wants out of jail?
"Bale me out!"
In communist Russia there is no discrimination. White, black, African, American, British and Asian. They all go to Gulag eventually.
Age is just a number,
Jail is just a room.
I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?
My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.
How do you escape a French prison?
Yell angrily in German!
I was walking by a prison when I saw a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down the fence. When he hit the ground and sneered at me, I said, “Well, that’s a little condescending.”
What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?
At least you don’t die when you shower.
I was finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve.
Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.
What's a convict's favorite chore?
Weeding.
I just got a job at the prison library.
It has its prose and cons.
Some people think "prison" is one word, but to robbers, it's a whole sentence.
Things you never want to do in jail:
- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.
What do you call a convict in prison for touching little girls? A boy named Brandon.
