Priest's jokes
A girl goes to a Church to confess.
Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
(after a few minutes)
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father, he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents, "Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white!"
The mother rushes the boy to the hospital, while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm.
"How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" he exclaims.
The wife looks up at him, "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection!"
A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar. He orders a beer.
Same person.
Q: What do you call a Mexican fighting a Catholic priest?
A: Alien vs. Predator.
What do you call an orphan who grows up to become a priest?
Father Les.
What do Priests and School shooters have in common?
They both blast little kids in the face.
What is the difference between a priest and a zit?
The zit waits until you're twelve to come on your face.
What’s a similarity between a priest and McDonald’s?
They both shove their meat between 10 year old buns.
A priest, a pedo, and a rapist walk into a bar and that's just the first guy.
Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
What do gay guys and priests have in common?
They are both gay in their own ways.
What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.
What does a priest and time have in common? They're both predators.
What’s the difference between a pimple and a Priest?
You see, a pimple wouldn’t normally come on a kid until he’s 13 years old.
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"
-not my joke
If a priest listens to sad music in his church, he really enjoys being deep in minor.
What do you call an orphan that grows up to be a priest?
Father-less.
What's a little white dot on a priest's dick? A baby tooth.
You should know it's important to wash your sex toys. That's why priests invented baptism.
You should always wash your sex toys. That's why priests baptize babies.