Present jokes

Why was Stephen Hawking disappointed when he got his Christmas present? It was singing lessons.

Food makers are proudly presenting human flesh-made foods. Donate your useless friends and family to us because we're saving lives.

T and C apply. This is only in the best shops in your town, or down the road, or in your country. 1 like = 1 family member donated 'cause we're saving lives😎😎

Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?

Because they had a fight, and 2021.

Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.

I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."

Jimmy Savile should have presented Pop off the Tops instead of Top of the Pops.

I bought this happy birthday card for this orphan.

To: The Orphan

From: ______

When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,

The present: Laundry.

*gunshot*

Two gays are getting ready for Christmas... They are expecting a big package in the mail!

What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?

Nothing because they can't open the gift.

What did the girl get for Christmas?

Cancer.

I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.

So, my friend's birthday is in a couple of days, and I was wondering what to get him.

He hangs out at my house a lot, so I suggested adoption papers.

My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.

My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."

My sister’s birthday is on 9/11. When she opened her presents, she jumped up with an explosion.

What is the true meaning of Christmas?

Stealing presents from orphans - a quote by Technoblade.

What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?

Condoms!

Santa gives a boy a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. This upsets the boy. Why?

Answer: He has no legs. The boy has no legs.

We should enjoy the present while it's here. Do you know why they call it the present? Because it's a gift.

What did the girl with no arms get for Christmas?

We dunno, she ain't opened it yet.