Present jokes

The past, present, and future walk into a bar.

It gets really tense.

When your brother sends you to go get a box of condoms for his b-day. (* *)

Why was Stephen Hawking disappointed when he got his Christmas present? It was singing lessons.

Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?

Because they had a fight, and 2021.

The teacher made us present a slideshow to introduce ourselves.

Mine is bright and colorful with music. It was so good that a kid started dancing!

Food makers are proudly presenting human flesh-made foods. Donate your useless friends and family to us because we're saving lives.

T and C apply. This is only in the best shops in your town, or down the road, or in your country. 1 like = 1 family member donated 'cause we're saving lives😎😎

Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.

I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."

When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,

The present: Laundry.

*gunshot*

I bought this happy birthday card for this orphan.

To: The Orphan

From: ______

Two gays are getting ready for Christmas... They are expecting a big package in the mail!

What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?

Nothing because they can't open the gift.

What did the girl get for Christmas?

Cancer.

So, my friend's birthday is in a couple of days, and I was wondering what to get him.

He hangs out at my house a lot, so I suggested adoption papers.

I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.

My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.

My sister’s birthday is on 9/11. When she opened her presents, she jumped up with an explosion.

What is the true meaning of Christmas?

Stealing presents from orphans - a quote by Technoblade.

On my 21st Birthday, my mom told me, "I got a nice birthday present for you. As the son and only child, you're going to get something good, something you've been looking forward to," is what my mom said.

Me, my mom, and my only friend celebrated my Birthday, then we all went to sleep. I woke up the next day. I asked, "Hey, where's my gift you said you got me?" My mom said, "Since your father left us, you have no father figure in your life, so this is your new stepfather." The only thing is, it was my only friend.

What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?

Condoms!

Santa gives a boy a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. This upsets the boy. Why?

Answer: He has no legs. The boy has no legs.