What did the orphan ask Santa for? A good family.
Broke my toenail yesterday. I'm now presenting you puns/jokes:
1. "Yeah, I broke my toenail, wanna see phoTOES?" 2. "I'm tired of bandaging my toe! Oh. My. GAUZE."
"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, dead, eight-year-old child get for their birthday?"
"Cancer."
I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.
What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet...
What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))
What did the blind kid get for his birthday?
I don't know, he still didn't look.
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
I gave a deaf kid air pods for his birthday.
What did the little girl with no arms get for Christmas?
I don't know, she's still trying to open it...
Why didn't the boy like his Christmas presents? Hint: They were a soccer ball, bicycle, and running shoes.
For a present on Christmas, I gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button.
What did the orphan's friend give him for his birthday?
Lego, so he can build a home.
A little boy was given a bicycle and a soccer ball for his birthday, but why was the little boy unhappy?
Because the little boy had no legs.
I got my little girl a hand sewing kit for her birthday and she cried. I didn't understand why until I realized that she had no hands to sew with.
What did the kid who has no arms get for Christmas?
He couldn't even open it.
What present did the armless kid get for Christmas?
He got gloves. Ohh, sorry, he could never open the present.
James Bond gives all the ladies he's met the perfect birthday gift: Chlamydia.
Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."
My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.
