Present jokes

For a present on Christmas, I gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button.

What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?

Condoms!

Will: Let's bring Hannibal a gift today!

Beverly: Yeah, I bet he’d love that!

Will: Yey!

Beverly: What should we bring him?

Will: *holds up a bucket and knife with an insane looking smile* Come in the bucket!

Glad to present you a wood clock.

https://olegon.ru/clock/

What did the blind kid get for his birthday?

I don't know, he still didn't look.

Sally has no arms. What did she get for Christmas? I don't know, she hasn't opened it yet.

Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms.

What did Sarah get for Christmas? I dunno, she hasn't opened it yet.

Knock knock...

Who's there?

Not Sarah.

Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."

What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?

Nothing because they can't open the gift.

Why is Santa’s sack so big?

Because he only comes once a year.

What did the girl get for Christmas?

Cancer.

This song is just like how my life is and how my girlfriend left.

- Do Re Mi- By- blackbear

Do, re, mi, fa, so

(Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh)

Do, re, mi, fa, so

(Yeah, yeah, yeah)

Yeah, if I could go back to the day we met

I probably would just stay in bed

You run your mouth all over town

And this one goes out to the sound

Of breakin' glass on my Range Rover

Pay me back, or bitch it's over

All the presents I would send

Fuck my friends behind my shoulder

Next time, I'ma stay asleep

I pray the Lord my soul to keep, oh

And you got me thinkin' lately

Bitch, you crazy

And nothing's ever good enough

I wrote a little song for ya

It go like

Do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, girl

So fuckin' done with all the games you play

I ain't no Tic-Tac-Toe

Send the X and O's on another note

I'm do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, baby

So send the X and O's on another note, I'm ghost

(Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh)

If I could go back to the day we met

I probably would've stayed in bed

You wake up everyday and make me feel like I'm incompetent

Designer shoes and Xanax tabs

Compliments your make-up bag

You never had to buy yourself a drink

'Cause everybody want to tap that ass sometime

And you got me thinkin' lately

Bitch, you crazy

And nothing's ever good enough

I wrote a little song for ya

It go like

Do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, girl

So fuckin' done with all the games you play

I ain't no Tic-Tac-Toe

Send the X and O's on another note

I'm do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, baby

So send the X and O's on another note, I'm ghost

(Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh)

I wrote a little song for you, it go like

Do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, girl

So fuckin' done with all the games you play

I ain't no Tic-Tac-Toe

Send the X and O's on another note

I'm do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, baby

So send the X and O's on another note, I'm ghost

(Yeah, yeah, yeah)

Do, re, mi, fa, so

(Yeah, yeah, yeah)

So send the X and O's on another note, I'm ghost

What did the little girl with no arms get for Christmas?

I don't know, she's still trying to open it...

Jimmy Savile should have presented Pop off the Tops instead of Top of the Pops.

What did Santa Claus get Paris Hilton for Christmas?

He raped her.

I got my little girl a hand sewing kit for her birthday and she cried. I didn't understand why until I realized that she had no hands to sew with.

Little Johnny walked to his parents' room. They were having sex, and Little Johnny didn’t know what that was, so he said, "What are y’all doing?"

The parents replied, "Umm, r-rapping presents!"

Little Johnny said, "Okay," and then left. In the morning, Little Johnny opened his presents. His parents said, "This one is from Santa!"

Little Johnny said, "No, it’s not, y’all said y’all were rapping the presents."

The parents said, "Ohh fuck!"

Little Johnny replied, "What, Mommy and Daddy?" They replied, "Oh, nothing!" "Oh, okay," Little Johnny said. The mom whispered in the dad's ear, "At least he doesn’t know the truth."

Little Johnny said, "What truth?"

Broke my toenail yesterday. I'm now presenting you puns/jokes:

1. "Yeah, I broke my toenail, wanna see phoTOES?" 2. "I'm tired of bandaging my toe! Oh. My. GAUZE."

What's the difference between an orphan and a puppy?

Parents enjoy the presents of a puppy.

What is the true meaning of Christmas?

Stealing presents from orphans - a quote by Technoblade.