Pop jokes

A big hefty porker left his balls exposed and said,

"Misses!! Come here and step upon mine balls, please!!! I pay top dollar for this extreme delight!"

She pippity popped his balls like there was no tomorrow.

And he said "yuh yuh ay ay crush these nuts nuts!"

Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.

Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.

Why did Michael Jackson divorce LMP? She didn't want to give him kids.

In the morning, I become a cereal killer. Stepped on a corn flake.

Then there was the run-in with a pair of orphaned Rice Krispies. Snap. Crackle. No pop.

I've been taken into custody as a cereal offender and am about to be put on trial in Food Court. I fully expect them to sentence me to Life.

A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing.

A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking!

Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."

Three doctors go into a room to get rid of a dead guy's body. They notice when they walk over that he has a boner. The first doctor decides, "Why not fuck him? He still has a boner left in him." The second says, "Well, he's dead, and I am a virgin." The third one says, "I can't, I'm on my period," and then says, "Okay, why not? He's already dead. It's not like he doesn't smell bad." After all that, they go to walk out, and the guy pops up and says, "Thanks for saving my life, pumping blood back into my body..."

When I see James Charles, my popcorn goes pop pop.

I cannot believe Kelly Clarkson's music is considered pop! More like comatose music!

A can of worms popping up and down inside a lot of people and a girl ate the can of worms: It was her imaginenation.

Boy, your momma so ugly she’s denied from the homeless parties in the dumpster.

Quiet kid, your momma so funny she made a joke pop out her a*s.

Who gets more dick, straight male rap fans or straight male swifties? Answer: Straight male rap fans, because there’s no such thing as a straight male swiftie.

What do an open champagne bottle and an orphan have in common? They both lost their pop.

When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.

I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.

What type of music is a balloon afraid of? Pop.

Did you hear the news? Michael Jackson died because he choked on 7-year-old nuts and balls.

Yo mama is so fat, she sat on a quarter and popped a booger out of George Washington's nose.

When you get a pop-up book of the Qur'an and it just explodes as soon as you turn the page XD.

What music scares balloons?

Pop music.

Why would the banana scream "ouch?"

Because it is getting peeled.

I hope you have to pull hard on a candy wrapper only for the bag to pop and have the candy fall on the floor.