Pool jokes
Yo mama so fat! When she jumps into a pool, NASA found water on Mars!
What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
What do you call an epileptic in a swimming pool? A dishwasher.
Fat kid jumps in the pool.
The popular girl: "I thought there was going to be a tsunami."
The fat kid: "I thought trash was not supposed to be in the ocean."
What's big, green, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree, it can kill you?
A pool table.
Friend, your mum's fat.
Me: Well, your mum's so fat, she played pool with the planets.
Yo momma's so fat that she plays pool with planets.
What do women and pools have in common?
They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.
What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you?
A pool table.
Why did Sally drown in the pool?
She had no arms, remember.
What's yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties.
One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.
"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"
Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."
"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."
"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."
"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."
"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.
"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."
"Okay daddy!"
*long pause*
"Okay daddy! I did it!"
"Great job Sally! What did she say?"
"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."
Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"
POV: Wine Taster in hell.
I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"
The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.
"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."
"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."
Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."
What did the duck do when he crossed the road?
The duck jumped into a pool of ant piles! 💀💀
"Look, Ma! I peed in the pool!"
What do you call a pool full of handicapped people?
Vegetable soup.
You're so short, I bet your parents left you at home most times when they went to the pool because they're scared you'll drown in the kiddie pool.
In India, whoever lives facing the roadside, this is for them.
Whenever it starts raining heavily, our homes turn into pool-facing homes because the roads disappear.
What happens when a guy is in a pool with a deck and no one is around? The guy has to pee, get up on the deck, and stick it between the bars and pee.
I like my women like I like my diving pool:
Deep and wet.