I was in an audition for the lead role of movie 'Aquaman'. The Director told me to dive into a pool. Then outta nowhere Penaldo showed up and made a big dive into the pool. The director was impressed and selected Penaldo for the movie.Shame on you penaldo for destroying my dream
Went swimming today and peed in the deep end the lifeguard saw me blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in
How are corpses like pools? Once you get in, it’s in it’s only cold for like a minute
What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.
2 women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement. Emma turns to Jane and says "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"
Jane replies with "I burnt to death."
Emma, shocked, responds with "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"
Jane answers with "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"r> Emma replies with "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."
Jane retorts with "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."
How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13 foot deep pool.
for every blonde in the world
Scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool
Where did Sally go during the summer swimming
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Why did sally fall off the swing? ́why’ cus she had no arms Why did sally drop a broom? ́why’ cus she had no arms Why did sally go swimming? she didn’t like not having arms Knock knock ́who’s there ́ Not sally, she hasn’t come back yet
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
why did jesus die a the diving olympics? because he cant go through wter
LOOK, MA! I PEED IN THE POOL!!!
What did the duck do when he crossed the road?- the duck jumped into a pool of ant piles💀 💀
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you? -- A pool table.
POV: Wine Taster in hell
I was, sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. this silhouette begins to speak, "you have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. how do you plead?" the man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit. "guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like I will take any punishment you deem fit." very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request." out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. the boy says "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." the boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, Taste like chicken."
I've seen more depth in a kiddie pool than in BLESSEDBRIAN’S jokes
Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?" The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom. Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket int the toilet."
