Pool jokes

What do you call someone with an extra chromosome winning in a pool?

Posiedown.

One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.

"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"

Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."

"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."

"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."

"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."

"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.

"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."

"Okay daddy!"

*long pause*

"Okay daddy! I did it!"

"Great job Sally! What did she say?"

"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."

Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"

I was in an audition for the lead role of movie "Aquaman." The Director told me to dive into a pool. Then outta nowhere Penaldo showed up and made a big dive into the pool. The director was impressed and selected Penaldo for the movie.

Shame on you Penaldo for destroying my dream!

Went swimming today and peed in the deep end. The lifeguard saw me and blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.

How are corpses like pools?

Once you get in, it's only cold for like a minute.

What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.

Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.

Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"

Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."

Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"

Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"

Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."

Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."

How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.

For every blonde in the world,

scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

I told one of my friends, "You're the reason why gene pools have lifeguards."

Where did Sally go during the summer? Swimming.

Why did Jesus die at the diving Olympics? Because he can't go through water.

What did the duck do when he crossed the road?

The duck jumped into a pool of ant piles! 💀💀

Why did Sally fall off the swing? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.

Why did Sally drop a broom? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.

Why did Sally go swimming? She didn't like not having arms.

Knock knock. "Who's there?" Not Sally, she hasn't come back yet.

How do you get a blonde to drown? You tell them the bottom of the pool smells weird.

"Look, Ma! I peed in the pool!"

How are women like swimming pools?

They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.

One day a rooster fell into a swimming pool and a cat laughed. And the moral of the story? A wet cock can always satisfy a pussy.

Your gene pool is so shallow, you could break your neck diving in.

What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you?

A pool table.