How are corpses like pools?
Once you get in, it's only cold for like a minute.
I was in an audition for the lead role of movie "Aquaman." The Director told me to dive into a pool. Then outta nowhere Penaldo showed up and made a big dive into the pool. The director was impressed and selected Penaldo for the movie.
Shame on you Penaldo for destroying my dream!
Went swimming today and peed in the deep end. The lifeguard saw me and blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.
What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time youโre inside them.
Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.
Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"
Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."
Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"
Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"
Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."
Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."
How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.
For every blonde in the world,
scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
I told one of my friends, "You're the reason why gene pools have lifeguards."
Where did Sally go during the summer? Swimming.
"Look, Ma! I peed in the pool!"
How do you get a blonde to drown? You tell them the bottom of the pool smells weird.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.
Why did Sally drop a broom? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.
Why did Sally go swimming? She didn't like not having arms.
Knock knock. "Who's there?" Not Sally, she hasn't come back yet.
Why did Jesus die at the diving Olympics? Because he can't go through water.
How are women like swimming pools?
They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.
What did the duck do when he crossed the road?
The duck jumped into a pool of ant piles! ๐๐
One day a rooster fell into a swimming pool and a cat laughed. And the moral of the story? A wet cock can always satisfy a pussy.
Your gene pool is so shallow, you could break your neck diving in.
What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you?
A pool table.
POV: Wine Taster in hell.
I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"
The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.
"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."
"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."
Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."
I've seen more depth in a kiddie pool than in BLESSEDBRIANโs jokes.
