Politics jokes

What do you call a basement full of SJW's?

A whine cellar.

What happened when Obama ran for president?

The whole US thought, "Holy hell, it's Osama bin Laden!" Thought he was dead.

There are three people in a plane that is about to crash: Trump, Obama, and a nine-year-old girl, but only two parachutes. Obama says, "Oh my, I need one. I need to protect my family," so he jumps off! Trump says, "Oh, I am the smartest man in the world. I must take it," so he jumps off. The nine-year-old girl says, "Welp, I guess he took my school backpack" :) so she leaves the plane! What a good ending.

Why don't communists like Microsoft? Because it's Minecraft instead of ourcraft.

What is the difference between an Isis training camp and a school?

Not sure, I just fly the drone.

If I fantasize about fucking a UCP Cabinet Minister,

Does that mean I'm sexually Conservative?

Hillary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected into office.

Sorry, it was supposed to say "Female," but the "emale" got deleted.

Nobody:

JFK: :) Hi guys!

JFK's killer: Ayo look at this shit, I just hit a clip.

I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.

Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.

...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.

What's a similarity between Harvey Weinstein's pants and American bombs?

They both drop unannounced and leave mass casualties.

We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have Biden, no cash, and no hope.

What is a government mandate?

When Obama and Biden go out to dinner together.

All hail President Trump!

Healthcare these days is a bit of an Obamanation.

What do you call an anorexic girl with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese.

What do you call ten lesbians in a room together? Fingerhut.

What do you call two lesbians in a closet together? A liquor cabinet.

What do you call a room full of 50 lesbians and fifty congressmen? 100 people who don't do dick.

Why don't women wear miniskirts in the winter? 'Cause they would get chapped lips.

What do a cliff jumper and a gay man have in common? If the rubber breaks, they're in deep shit.

Who is Osama Bin Laden’s secret cousin? Barack Obama or Barack Osama Bin Laden?

What record did Obama prove during his presidency?

No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.

They asked JFK Jr. if he wanted to shower before his flight. He said, "No, I'll just wash up on shore!"

Wanna hear a joke?

Feminism.

Why can't America play chess?

They're already missing 2 towers.