Politics jokes

What do you call a blind and illiterate military leader?

Winston Churchill.

If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?

The Royal Commission.

Alternatively, Tony Abbott.

What's the difference between a gun and a penis?

The American government does not define you as having the constitutional right to a penis.

Hitler was a good man because, after all, he did kill Hitler.

Hitler only wanted peace.

A piece of Poland, a piece of Czechoslovakia, and a piece of Turkey.

"Hitler wasn't such a bad guy, after all, he did kill Hitler."

Just told Putin to get some b*tches.

Waiting for 3801 missiles to strike my house.

What was Hitler known for?

His exceptional cost efficiency.

What do you call a German that can't see? A Notsee.

The CCP should be pleased. COVID is the longest thing to have ever been made in China.

You get on an elevator and you find the Pope and Donald Trump cowering from two snarling wolves. In your hand you find a revolver with only two bullets in it... what do you do?

You shoot the Pope and the Donald each in a leg and exit the elevator at the next stop.

Shrek and the Hulk became politicians.

And they created The Green Party.

What do you call a nazi that can’t see?

A nozi.

What do the Nicaraguan Contras, Crips, and Crack have in common? The CIA.

Mario: Princess Peach got kidnapped again!

Luigi: Where did they go?

Mario: To the left.

Luigi: Fuck

What was JFK's favorite school TV show?

BrainPop.

"Sharing is communism."

What do you call a Fuhrer who's also a fitness coach?

Adolf Fit-ler.

Bro, the US keeps bullying the UK because the queen died, and do you know the meme "No Bitches?" Yeah, they put "No Queen" instead. And guess what? The UK replied this time and said, "No Towers?" I was shocked. UK's most devious lick.

People have been telling me that you can get things for free now.

The other day I saw a sign saying "FREE PALESTINE."