Police jokes
Today, I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. The police thought it was suicide since I have no fingerprints. Wow, I’m so nice taking care of the disabled.
My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.
If you ever get chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.
They're trained for that.
A turtle was walking down the street when all of a sudden a snail came up to him and robbed him.
When the policemen showed up and asked him what happened, he responded, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"
A turtle was walking down the street when suddenly a snail came and robbed him. When the police came, they asked what happened. The turtle responded, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"
What happened to the police that crossed the road?
They solved a murder involving the nut case.
Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."
What do you call a dwarf police officer?
A guinea pig.
I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised to see that the news reported a school shooting there. I still don't know who snitched...
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Police.
Police who?
Police stop telling these awful knock knock jokes!
What happened to the frog that parked illegally?
He was toad away.
Get it?
What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."
So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.
20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.
How would Stephen Hawking get rid of the police?
Go to the junkyard.
My uncle is a computer genius! The police even called him a PDF file!
How did we know Princess Diana had dandruff?
'Cause the police found her Head and Shoulders on the dash.
Why did the orphan play GTA? Because he wanted to feel the wanted level.
A woman buys a house, but she doesn't know what to name the house, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Hairy butt," so she named the house Hairy Butt.
The next month she had a baby, but she didn't know what to name him, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Crack," so she named the baby Crack.
After a year or two she lost him, so she called the police and said, "Help! I looked all over my hairy butt, but I couldn't find my little crack."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fishes.
Fishes who?
Fishes the police, come out with your hands up!