Police jokes
What do you call a dwarf police officer?
A guinea pig.
I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised to see that the news reported a school shooting there. I still don't know who snitched...
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Police.
Police who?
Police stop telling these awful knock knock jokes!
What happened to the frog that parked illegally?
He was toad away.
Get it?
What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."
So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.
20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.
How would Stephen Hawking get rid of the police?
Go to the junkyard.
My uncle is a computer genius! The police even called him a PDF file!
How did we know Princess Diana had dandruff?
'Cause the police found her Head and Shoulders on the dash.
Why did the orphan play GTA? Because he wanted to feel the wanted level.
A woman buys a house, but she doesn't know what to name the house, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Hairy butt," so she named the house Hairy Butt.
The next month she had a baby, but she didn't know what to name him, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Crack," so she named the baby Crack.
After a year or two she lost him, so she called the police and said, "Help! I looked all over my hairy butt, but I couldn't find my little crack."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fishes.
Fishes who?
Fishes the police, come out with your hands up!
I was watching the local chief police in America, he said, "We will never forget 911." I thought, "I should hope not, it's your phone number."
The coffee was getting mugged, so it called 911.
There are two Mexicans in a car. Who's driving?
A cop.
Am tired of my country!!!! How can two policemen use one gun?
There was a family, the father's name was Mad, the mother is Brain, the brother's name is Nobody and the sister's name is Everybody.
One day, Nobody killed Everybody, and the father ran to the police's office and screamed, "NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODY!!!!!"
"Sir, are you okay?" The police asked.
"I said, NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODYYYYY!!!!!" The father yelled even louder.
"Are you mad?" The police asked.
"Yes, because my name is Mad!" The father exclaimed.
"Where's your brain?" Asked the police.
"At home because my wife name is Brain," the father said. The police fell down due to the confusion.
A police pulls over a Mexican man trying to get into America. The Mexican man comes up with some sob story and the police say, "All right, all right ok," says the police, "I'll let you go if you can come up with a sentence that has the words green, pink, and yellow in it." The Mexican thought about it long and hard for almost 45 minutes and then the police says, "Ok ok let's hear it" after waiting impatiently. The Mexican said, "Ok ok don't rush me. I'm ready." The Mexican replied, "Ok when my phone green green, I pink it up and say Yellow!"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Please.
Please who?
Police, can you stop talking so we can get to the end of the joke.
Lol.