Pleasing Jokes

Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.

Jesus: "A table for 26, please." Headwaiter: "But there's only... 13 of you?" Jesus: "Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side."

This isn't a joke but

I'm a survivor and use humor to cope. I find these extremely funny so please leave the people writing these alone 😭

Man asking waitress, " Pardon me miss may I ask you about the menu please?" Waitress, "It's none of your business about the men I please!"

God said, "Let there be light." Chuck Norris said, "You have to say please first."

A GUY GOES TO SEE HIS PSYCHIATRIST DRESSED ONLY IN BUBBLE WRAP. WHEN HE GETS THERE HE ASKED THE PSYCH, cAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME? THE PSYCH SAYS NO, I'M SORRY, I CAN CLEARLY SEE YOUR NUTS.

hey guys wish me luck on my game AI-Nassr vs RaedAl-Raed. and i have 604 million followers on instagram but we are not gonna be able to beat that but can we get to 69 followers please and thankyou

Please welcome Mozarts The Magic Flute...

In A Minor

A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?"

"Yes," replies the murderer, "Can you please hold my hand?"

Dear math,

please grow up and solve your own problems I'm tired of solving them for you.

Thanks

Broccoli says" I look like a tree" Walnut says "I look like a brain", Cashew says "I look like a kidney", Banana says "can we change the topic please? "

Why did the basketball player not get on the bus? Because he couldn’t be caught travelling! 😂

Please like and comment below... 😊

A man walks into a bar with a slab of concrete under his arm and says "A beer please! and one for the road!"

Mom, can I please go out and play?

... no answer

To everyone saying "don't joke about suicide, it's not even funny to laugh about people dying". Do you think we have it easy?? Have you ever thought these jokes were helping us to cope? Mind your own business and don't make assumptions on people you know nothing about, please and thanks.

A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down it the waiting room. Whem it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, 'Well I have good news and bad news.' The woman says, 'I'll hear the good news first please.' The doctor replies 'The good news is we're naming a disease after you!'

One time this kid came back from school and said "Mom I have one good news and one bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?" And his mom said "Good news please.'' and the boy said "I got 100% on my math test today" and his mom gave him a hug, and the boy said "Now to the bad news, I LIED"

Someone: PLEASE EAT I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE *Me tryna remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because ive already googled it and given up because it takes too long* Me: Na yeah I still have 19 days left