Pleasing Jokes

Here’s my hand, please hold it. That way I can say I was touched by an angel.

I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died "can you stop shaking the latter please"

So I was raping this girl the other night and she said "Please just think of my kids!" I was like "What a Freak".

I called my mom on Alexa and she told me "please take out the trash" and I said "but I can't ur not here

Yo mama so fat when she stepped on the scales it said one person at a time please

If I ever stuff up a post, please let me be. I do have ADHD, short term memory disorder and dyscalculia so please remember that no-one likes to be picked on for things that they can't control.

What did the therapist say to the rapist yes please

"I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth,"the woman told her dentist. He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."

*guy feels something on his back* “oh god, please let that be a rifle” “Nope. I’m just real happy to see you”

if my boobies are fish then am i salmon boobies. please give generously.

Theres a kid named little Johnny who would always cuss. Well one day, he was sitting in class and the teacher said "lets play a game". so the game was she calls out a letter and someone raises her hand and tells her a word that begins with that letter. teacher says "A" little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thinks to herself "well he might say something like a$$" so the teacher calls on sally. sally say "apple". the teacher says "B" little Johnny raises his hand. the teacher though "no he might say something like b!tch". so the teacher goes all the way to R. the teacher says "R" little Johnny raises his hand and say "me me please I really know one". then the teacher thinks to herself "well theres no cuss word that starts with R" so she said "ok Johnny give me a word that starts with R" little Johnny says "a rat!" and the teacher very pleased say "very good Johnny what type of rat" little Johnny says "A big gosh damn mother freaker". sorry I had to edit some word but y'all know what I meant.

my wife and I have decided that we do not want children. If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.