Pleasing Jokes

B: Can you please stop roasting me?

A: At least the "roasting" that I did to you didn't burn you to death.

My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Elderly man: Can I get a discount, please? I fought in World War 2.

Cashier: Sure!

Elderly man: Danke.

Hello Watersharky, I am Koge.

I see your songs and want to be your agent. Please write back about this offer. Thank you.

The CCP should be pleased. COVID is the longest thing to have ever been made in China.

help pls find my dawg

A flyer with the text "I lost my bitchass dog again. He's ugly as fuck and keeps running away but I still love him, plus I already bought him shit and I don't wanna return the stuff. Please bring him back, his name is Señor Woofers. He probably won't respond to it cus he's a fake lil bitch though. Please contact me at 661-440-5950 or booteyeater6969@gmail.com. Reward: $5ish maybe." Below the text is a picture of a small dog with a brown wig.

"Freshfry, please leave me and prince alone! I never asked you to join our chat!"

Old woman: You are such a darling child. Please come and see me again next year.

A year later, as child walks up to the door of the old lady's house...

Old woman: Oh my! Goodness sakes, child! Have you grown, or have I shrank???

Child: Both.

Hey, you person who's scrolling, please leave your HONEST opinion on life. Do you think "life sucks" or "eh, it's okay," etc.? It can be short; if you don't want to, then that's okay.

One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."

One day I was just sitting around when my butthole began to grow larger. It grew and grew and began to engulf the other parts of my body until it swallowed them all. Now I am just a big butthole typing this. Please help me!

What did the Alabama graduate say to the Tennessee graduate?

"Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order please?"

My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

If anyone ever makes a time machine, please make a bunker for Hitler/the Nazis and send them to 2050. I want to see who would die first, future us or them.

A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.