Pilot jokes
Confucius say, female pilot who fly upside down have crack up.
Why couldn't an orphan use a fighter jet?
Because he couldn't use the homing missiles.
There are three people in a plane that is about to crash: Trump, Obama, and a nine-year-old girl, but only two parachutes. Obama says, "Oh my, I need one. I need to protect my family," so he jumps off! Trump says, "Oh, I am the smartest man in the world. I must take it," so he jumps off. The nine-year-old girl says, "Welp, I guess he took my school backpack" :) so she leaves the plane! What a good ending.
"I hate when people make 9/11 jokes because my grandfather died during the Twin Tower attacks. He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia."
I don’t like making jokes about 9/11. My grandad died in it, he was the greatest pilot I ever knew.
My grandpa personally killed 3 German pilots. He was the worst mechanic Luftwaffe had.
What’s New York’s favorite game?
2001 flight simulator.
What do you call an African American pilot?
A pilot, you racist bastard!
What is a Mexican’s favorite band?
Twenty Juan Pilots.
To become a licensed airline pilot requires 1,500 hours (two years) of training. But it only takes 10 seconds to steal the pilot’s jacket and hat.
What did the helicopter say?
Helicopter: "Kobe!"
Why did the plane crash?
Because it was being flown by a loaf of bread.
Why do people always talk about nine eleven???
My dad died that day.
He was a good pilot.
911 jokes are just plane wrong, my dad was a great pilot you know.
This joke probably flew over people's heads, but for some people it flew into their head.
My dad died in 9/11. He was such a good pilot.
The other day a squirrel asked me for a job. I asked him, "What jobs did you have previously?"
Calmly he answered, "I am a pilot. I can pick it up from here and pile it over there. I also can fly a sign!"
"Too bad, this is a nut cannery, and we're 100% automated. We don't need anyone at this time, sorry."
"No worries, I'm totally nuts anyway. Guess I'll fly a sign across town, don't have bus fare!"
What’s the difference between a school and an ISIS hideout?
I don’t know, I just fly the drone.
A blonde crashes an airplane.
Officer: Could you please explain to me what happened?
Woman: It got so cold in the plane, I turned the fan off.
Officer: *face palms self*
Also officer: Here's your sign.
Call me Kobe Bryant, cause I'm gonna helicopter out of this one.
I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...
I know, I'm going to hell!