New Pilot Jokes - Page 10 - Worst Jokes Ever

The greatest doctor, smartest man, young geek, and inspiring preacher are on a plane. The pilot dies of a heart attack and is confirmed by the doctor. But, there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. The doctor takes one and says,

"People need me for my excellent medicine!" and jumps out. The smart man grabs one and shouts,

"People are in need of my great knowledge!" and jumps out. There is only one more parachute on the plane. The preacher says to the geek,

"You are too young. Take the final parachute and go." The geek instead says,

"No, there are two parachutes left, the 'smart' one took my backpack."

A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, "It got cold so I turned off the fan."

Wanna hear a plane joke? Nah, it'll just go over your head.

How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.

My great grandfather died in 9/11.

He was an amazing pilot.

Who reads the fastest?

The pilot of the plane who hit one of the twin towers. He took out 83 stories in one go.

I guess this is pretty plane.

I am sorry I am just winging it.

Wow, I guess these jokes haven't taken off.

Wow, I just landed that one!

Q: What do Mexicans love to wear in the air force?

A: Air Force Juans.

Breaking News! A plane crashes into a bridge.

My uncle died on nine eleven... he was the best pilot in Iraq.

I don't like it when people make 9/11 jokes. My dad was in it.

He was the best damn pilot in Saudi Arabia.

What do women and airplanes have in common?

A cockpit.

A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.

When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.

"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.

Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash.

Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.

You know the song "Getting Drunk on a Plane"? It was written by the pilot of the Lingard Skinner pilot.

Have I told you the joke about the airplane? Ah, forget it, it probably just went over your head.

I am up in the air about becoming a pilot.

The pilot goes "We're going down!"

The other pilot yells "Down like your syndrome?"

Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."

The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"