I love breakups. My ex-girlfriends always end up in pieces.
A slag is like the first piece of bread in a loaf. Everyone touches it, but nobody wants it.
So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.
Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."
Guy: "What's the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: "Good news?"
Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."
Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.
How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake.
What happened when the gun dealer found his pistol in his shoe?
He found that he had a piece in his sole!
I was going to make a joke about a piece of paper.
It's just too tear-able.
Once upon a time... Chuck Norris stepped on a Lego. R.I.P. the Lego piece.
When I'm sad, I cut myself...A PIECE OF CAKE!
A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
