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Piece

Piece jokes

Three men are shipwrecked on a jungle island and taken prisoner by the residing cannibals. They are all told to walk into the jungle and come back with one piece of fruit. They go in and the first man comes out with a peach. He is instructed to shove it in his ass, and if he laughs, he will be killed. He tries and dies.

The second man comes back with a grape and is instructed to do the same. When the two meet at the pearly gates, the first man says, "I had a peach. They're fuzzy. You had a grape. What's your excuse?"

"Well, I was doing fine until I saw Jimmy come out of the brush with a pineapple."

Bully: You are a piece of shit.

Person: No, I'm not a piece, and I'm not brown... so no, honey.

What did one piece of toilet paper say to the other? "I feel really wiped."

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    • A man walks into a bar and sees a piece of steak on the ceiling.

    The cashier says, "If you can grab it, your meal's free!"

    The man then said, "Nah, the stakes are too high."

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    What do you say to Stephen Hawking when he dies?

    "Rust in pieces!"

    A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender asks what he wants. The man says, "I would like one beer for me and one for the road."

    What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?

    The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.

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    • So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”

  • 2

    • A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.

    Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."

    Guy: "What's the bad news?"

    Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."

    Guy: "Good news?"

    Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."