Pick Up

Pick Up jokes

Sorry for this Pick Up Line.

Are you a building? Because I rate you 9/11, so let me put my plane in and let kids fall out.

I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine. Apparently, I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.

  • 1

    • One day I went to talk to my friend.

    "Hi John!" I said.

    No response.

    "Oh, yeah."

    I went to pick up the remote and clicked the unmute button.

    "Hope that helps!"

    A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.

    He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.

    He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

    Three years later there's a knock at the door.

    He opens it and sees the same snail.

    The snail says, "What was that all about?"

    Kidnapper: Hey kid, your parents told me to pick you up.

    Kid: Sir, this is an orphanage.

    Kidnapper: ...

    (amazing pick up line) Yoo, what if we got matching tattoos? You get two towers and I get a plane, because I crashed right into your life!

    "Why didn't the boy pick up his ice cream?" - Margaret

    "Why?" - Depressed boy

    "Because he got ran over." - Margaret

    "I wish that was me." - Depressed boy

    When I was younger, I went to an Indian convenience store to pick up a lottery ticket. When the cashier handed me the ticket, she told me to "hold it properly." So I ripped the red dot right off of her forehead.

  • 2

    • Best pick up line EVER.

    There is an app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12 to 15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12 to 15 inches longer.

    I walked up to a group of moms having a conversation while waiting to pick up their kids from day care. They were using cutesy words like "ankle biters", "rug rats," and other terms I've heard parents use before when describing their toddlers.

    I thought I'd chime in; as it turns out, "carpet muncher" doesn't mean what I thought it does.

    Abortion is becoming more and more expensive these days. So visit Ammu-nation and pick up an Armsan RS-X1 tactical shotgun. It comes with a free box of ammo and a three year warranty. Buy now, pay later.

    Why can an orphan never get picked up?

    Because the white van did not come that day. HAHA BIG LOL