Pet jokes

A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”

The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”

Guess who dies next.

What do you get when you are hungry? A dog to eat.

Why was the dog so stressed out?

It had a ruff day.

How are infants and chocolate alike? They'll both kill your dog.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Ground beef.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn't matter; he's not coming.

I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).

What did the rapper name his new DOG?

Lil Bark.

My dog is named Max, and he likes to eat dog food. Therefore, everyone named Max likes to eat dog food.

What’s the difference between a puppy and a fork?

I don’t microwave forks.

What do you call a dog that can do magic?

A Labracadabrador.

When I was a child, I was made to walk the plank... We couldn't afford a dog.

I lost my dog. I probably shouldn't have named him "rape."

My cat got run down. That is a cat-astrophe.

I started crying when dad was cutting onions.

Onions was such a good dog.

So, one day I saw a dog outside, so I played with it. Then I was like, "I’m gonna see its name and where it lives." So I did. Then... its name was Momo. Then I looked to see where it lived. It said "Joe Momma Street."

Me, smashes mouse after losing a match; everybody at the pet race: :O

A good dog name is Syndrome. That way when it tries attacking, you can yell, "Down, Syndrome!"

God creates dog.

God: "You are man's best friend."

Dog: "That's pretty sexist."

God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"

Dog: "....."

God: "And chocolate kills you!"

Dog: "🐶"

What is a dog that is awesome? A smart dog.