Pet jokes

Someone asked me what the lines on my wrist were from. I answered, "My cat has OCD."

Like if you like dogs. Dislike if you like cats. Other animal? Tell me in the comments!

I cried when my dad cut onions.

Onions was a good dog.

Okay, One time I there was my dog. But then the dog, it fell.

Then I f**ked my dog hard in the a**.

Why can’t an orphan have a dog? It always runs away.

My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.

So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."

My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"

I said, "Literally."

Why did the dog walk out at night?

To scare his people!

What is a dog that is Christmas?

A Christmas tree dog!

About a dog.

I was at school one day, and my teacher gave me homework. Once I got home, I did not do my homework, but I watched TV. After the movie, I finally went to go do my homework. I was almost done with my homework when I got to the last question. I didn't know the answer, so I asked the closest living being to me, which was my dog, and I asked him: what's two minus two? He said nothing.

What do you call a rabbit who is really cool?

How do you know if an Asian has been in your house?

Your dog's gone.

Your finances are done.

And your floaties.

I named my dog Chicken.

I love eating chicken.

A day in the life of a Biden voter.

$2000 stimulus check? Nah, $1400...some day.

No more kids in cages? Nah, more kids in cages.

$15 minimum wage? Nah, $11. Maybe.

50k loan forgiveness? Nah. Lol.

No more deportations? Nah, they're still leaving.

Women's rights? Nah, dudes in women's sports.

New COVID bill? Nah, mostly bailouts and pet projects.

Cheap insulin? Nah, jack those prices up.

Defeat fascism? Nah, barbed wire fences around DC.

Why did the boy get a koala? He had the koalafications.

I went to the zoo but all I saw was a dog.

Yeah, it was a shih tzu.

What do you do with a dog that has no legs? Take him for a drag.

Hi! I love my dog.

There was once a young sister who never got anything good for her birthday, and she was sick of it. So one day the girl asked for a puppy, and the parents said yes.

When she got the puppy, he was nice, but the puppy needed food every two minutes. The parents eventually got sick of it and came up with a plan. Two weeks passed and the younger and less fat sister asked where her other sister was as she wanted to play Barbies. “And also, why haven’t you been feeding the dog? He needs food, you know.” The parents only answered with “Oh! Yes, you can have a room all to yourself now. And about the puppy...he won’t need feeding for years.”

My dog went through my bathroom garbage, and for some reason, my sister put a bunch of ketchup packets in there...