Pet jokes
What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: It doesn’t matter; it won’t come anyway.
I went outside to catch some dog, but I mist.
What looks like half a cat?
The other half.
Dentist: Open up, sir.
Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.
Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.
Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.
Dentist: Do you need help??
Me: Yep.
Dentist: ...
Me: ....
What kind of dog can do magic tricks?
A labracadabrador.
Like if your best friend has a dog.
What did Joe Biden say to the dog? I'm gonna molest you.
As a little boy, I walked in on my parents having intercourse one night, and of course, my parents stopped and sent me back to bed.
The next day my dad tells me, "Don't worry son, I wasn't hurting mommy, we were just trying to make you a little sister."
So, when I was young I always wanted a pet. I then looked at my father and asked, "Could you do mommy doggy style next time? I want a puppy."
Simplest way to tell if dogs are better than cats: My dog is named Curiosity, and your cat is dead.
What's yellow and can’t swim?
Your dead fish.
What did all the humans say when all the pets left town?
A doggone catastrophe!
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bred dog.
- What do you call a dog that can do magic?
- A labracadabrador.
What's a rapper's favorite kind of pet?
A boomboxer.
A black man entered a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.
The bartender says, "That looks exotic, where’d you get it?"
"Africa," the parrot responded.
What did the skeleton say to his dog at dinner time? Bone appétit!
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Anything you want; it won't chase you.
I named my dog "5 miles" so when I walk him, I can say I walked 5 miles.
Random guy: I ran over 5 miles.
My dog went through my bathroom garbage, and for some reason, my sister put a bunch of ketchup packets in there...
Cats are like onions; when I cut them, I cry.