Personal jokes
What do you call an autistic person with a driver's license?
A LETHAL WEAPON!
The top worst thing for an orphan, and probably the most awkward one, is when they're having sex and the other person is calling them "mommy" or "daddy."
People complain we are overpopulated.
Well, then if we committed suicide, then why do they be sad? It's one less person to think about. Why complain about it when in the end we become sad people?
If you're a cat person, never let hungry Chinese into your house. They might just have a snack.
What do you call a fat person in a wheelchair?
A broken wheelchair.
Man: I'm here for the job interview.
Employer: Oh good, good. Sit down. We don't get many people for the interviews.
Man: Just anywhere?
Employer: Yeah, make yourself comfortable. Jackson, right?
Man: Yeah, that's me.
(Shakes hands and sits back down)
Employer: So what makes you eligible for the job, Jackson?
Man: Well, I'm really good at capturing the perfect shot and angle. It really takes dedication to do this type of job. Concentration and willpower, sir.
Employer: I like you already, you're hired!
Man: Wow, thanks, sir. I know I won't do you wrong. I'll work hard for this job!
Employer: You start now! Your first person is a man named John F Kennedy.
Man: What? You want me to just take pictures of him during the parade?
Employer: No.
Man: This... This is a photography job, right?
Employer: No... this is a job employment for man hunting.
I went to a depressed person and said, "Do you wanna hang with me?"
What happens when a black person gets in a car? The check oil light turns on.
You're the type of person to play "Girl on Fire" during a funeral.
You're the type of person to wash your hands after a shower.
I offered to share a meal with a homeless person once, but he said, "Piss off and buy your own!"
The average Irish person consumes 131.1 litres of beer, almost as much as your mum at night.
What's the difference between Batman and a gay person?
Batman has no one to call "daddy."
Someone bullied a disabled person.
The disabled person said they can't stand it.
What happened when the depressed person waved at a tree?
It left him hanging.
If your name is Jack, I think you are a stupid person that leaves their friends and blocks them on everything.
*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stockpiled "just in case".
The whole lot collapsed and buried him.
What do you call a person with a fat brain?
A fat neek!
Person 1: Yassin has sex with a piece of sex.
Person 2: Nice, can I have some of your balls?
What do you say after making fun of a disabled person?
"Sorry, I didn't mean to step on your toes."