Person jokes
What do you call a person who tries to get you on a dating website... a Brodie.
Your momma!
A blind person walks into a bar.
Because they can’t see where they are going.
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?
They say that bad things happen to good people.
So if you get run over by a car just know you're a good person.
I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.
Why is Jack so gay?
Because he is.
Lewis Clow
Why does Hitler deserve heaven? Because he killed Hitler.
What is the chair's favorite person?
A sit-izen.
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
The FBI said, "Open up!" I shout to them.
A person said, "Cookie sale." I opened up. He fucked me.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knock, knock." "Knock, knock who?" "Can you let me in now?"
What’s the difference between a living and dead person?
I don’t know, I just bury the coffin.
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."
What do you call a depressed emo? Dead.
Murder is the same as suicide, except the other person is doing it for you.
What do you call a gay person in Antarctica?
Bi-Polar.
What's the difference between a pizza & a person?
A pizza doesn't scream when I try to shove it into an oven...
Josh