Why did the rapper bring a pencil to the concert?
In case he needed to drop some FRESH LINES.
Why did the rapper bring a map to the concert?
To find his way to the top of the CHARTS.
Why was the rapper always cold?
Because he kept spitting ice!
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the studio?
Because he heard the bars were high.
What does a Travis Scott concert and the Titanic cabin have in common? The music doesn’t stop when people start dying.
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
The worst comedians take 9 months to make a joke. Then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget it.
What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?
I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.
Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(
So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work.
Yo mama is so ugly that if she went on stage, the show would instantly say, "And that's a wrap!"
Well, I saw a stripper, and she was trying out bread.
Ever heard of rape jokes?
No?
Well, I'll MAKE you hear 'em!
I just had the worst gig of my life! I told yo mama jokes at the orphanage.
Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?
Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
What does a sex offender that is a lesbian have in common with a sex offender that is a feminist?
They only performed cunnilingus on girls under 18 years old.
What do you call a pole dancer?
A stripper.
How did Protestants perform in the 16th century? Well done.
I’m in a wheelchair and I can do stand comedy, oh wait.....
Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?
