People jokes

What do you call two redheads on Mars?

Locals.

Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.

They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."

Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.

He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.

"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"

Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.

He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.

He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"

They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"

Why do people watch hentai?

Because they are as fake as pornstars are.

Two businessmen bought the Milwaukee Bucks for $500 million. They are very excited about their transaction, for this is the only legal way to own black people.

Why do people always talk about nine eleven???

My dad died that day.

He was a good pilot.

Did you know that graveyards are the most popular place in the world?

Yeah, people are just DYING to get in there...

Would you like to try African food?

They would too.

The people at 9/11 must have been able to read fast. If I explain it, it won't be funny. This is an old joke my friend told me.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and the people at the old folks home?

They both collapsed.

Who can jump the highest?

Emos, some of them are still in the air.

Two simple steps to get 15,000 people to follow you:

Step 1: Buy a bottle of water (doesn't matter the size).

Step 2: Run through Africa with that bottle of water.

Perfect! Now you got yourself half the population there following you!

Why did people take Stephen Hawking's to the hospital when we should have took him to Curry's PC World?

People shouldn’t be afraid during a zombie apocalypse.

They can stay in their living room.

I think the military shouldn’t allow trans people, because all they'd do is switch sides.

Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.

While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."

So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"

What do you call a group of ethnically diverse disabled people?

Seasoned vegetables.

Why are drums and autistic people the same?

They both go "uh uh uh uh uh uh!"

Some people think Bin Laden is dead, but some think he's alive.

He is the Al-Qaeda Elvis.

All the people disliking these jokes are definitely orphans.

Why can't two Chinese people have a white baby? Because two "wongs" don't make a "white."