What do you call an army of autistic people with guns?
Special forces.
People Jokes
What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common? They both ask people, "Where's the meat?"
What do you call 2 homeless people throwing rocks at each other? "Pillow Fight!"
What do you call two redheads on Mars?
Locals.
Why do so many people hate Bill Cosby? I mean, all he did was have affairs with drunk, attention-seeking women. They literally begged for it.
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
Two businessmen bought the Milwaukee Bucks for $500 million. They are very excited about their transaction, for this is the only legal way to own black people.
Who can jump the highest?
Emos, some of them are still in the air.
Two simple steps to get 15,000 people to follow you:
Step 1: Buy a bottle of water (doesn't matter the size).
Step 2: Run through Africa with that bottle of water.
Perfect! Now you got yourself half the population there following you!
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and the people at the old folks home?
They both collapsed.
Would you like to try African food?
They would too.
The people at 9/11 must have been able to read fast. If I explain it, it won't be funny. This is an old joke my friend told me.
Did you know that graveyards are the most popular place in the world?
Yeah, people are just DYING to get in there...
People shouldn’t be afraid during a zombie apocalypse.
They can stay in their living room.
Why did people take Stephen Hawking's to the hospital when we should have took him to Curry's PC World?
Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.
While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."
So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"
What do you call a group of ethnically diverse disabled people?
Seasoned vegetables.
You're so ugly that blind people cry when you walk past them.
Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?
"Stop telling these orphan jokes!! Maybe some people that read these are orphans!"
I'll stop telling orphan jokes when their parents come back.
