People jokes
All these people on here making me wish I knew them IRL.
People say that Pakistan is a terrorist nation...
Guys, it's not true, even Osama bin Laden lived there peacefully for 6 years.
"White people can't jump..."
"You must not have seen the Twin Towers on 9/11."
Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
Why do white people own a lot of pets?
Because they're not allowed to own people anymore.
Memes
Millions of people are doing the exact same thing as you are right now.
Jokes about communism aren't funny unless everyone gets them.
If you are what you eat,
why is Jeffrey Dahmer white?
What’s the difference between chocolate and people?
You can’t buy people nowadays.
Why aren’t short people allowed to be mentors?
Because you can’t look up to them.
What do you call five Black people having sex?
Threesome.
Two terrorists walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What can I get you?"
The terrorists both say, "A beer."
The bartender overhears them talking about how they will kill 300 people and a donkey. The bartender says, "Why a donkey?"
One terrorist says, "See, I told you no one would care about the people!"
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Why do so many people hate Bill Cosby? I mean, all he did was have affairs with drunk, attention-seeking women. They literally begged for it.
The people in the Democratic Party are how I like my coffee.
Black and bitter.
Why are people surprised by Johnny Depp having $30,000 wine bills, domestic violence accusations, rampant substance abuse, poor hygiene, and the looks of a predator?
He grew up a Florida Man, after all.
How are guys and tile floors alike?
If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for years.
This guy goes to a bar and pulls out a little guy playing the piano. The bartender asks him where he got a small man with a piano.
The guy points outside to a genie granting people wishes. The bartender runs out and 1 million ducks appear.
The bartender yells at the genie saying, “Are you fucking deaf? I asked for 1 million bucks, not 1 million bucks!”
The guy from the bar says, “No shit! You think I really asked for a 12-inch pianist?”
What do you call an army of autistic people with guns?
Special forces.
What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common? They both ask people, "Where's the meat?"