Why is Hitler better than Biden?
Because Hitler gave his people gas for free.
Theres only 3 types of people the ones who can count and the ones that cant
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when I push my autistic brother down the stairs.
So there's a black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican. They find a genie's lamp, they rub it, and poof appears the genie! The genie goes to the black guy and asks, "What's your one wish?" The black guy goes, "I wish for me and all my people to be back in Africa, happy and everything." So poof! His wish is granted. Then, the genie goes to the Mexican and asks, "What's your one wish?" The Mexican goes, "I wish for me and all my people to be in Mexico, happy and everything." So poof! His wish is granted. Now, the genie goes over to the white guy and asks, "What's your one wish?" and the white guy asks, "You mean to tell me that all the black and Mexican people are out of America?" The genie replies, "Yes." So the white guy goes, "Then I'll have a Coke."
I was at my bank today waiting in a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"
Islamist guys and American Christian right-wing guys are both similar in that both abhor the existence of gay people, but only the Christian Right loves to eat sausages, especially the little ones, if you know what I mean...
Your hairline is so long, people call it "The Natural Disaster!"
Why are people in Japan so thin?
Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.
Why are people from New York so bad at chess?
Because they quickly lose two towers (rooks).
Why do black people only have nightmares? Because the last one who had a dream was shot.
Why do people in Alabama always swipe left on Tinder?
Because they aren't family!
What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?
In a dog pound, people actually want them.
I got written up on 'Take Your Daughter To Work Day.' Apparently, it only applies to daughters who are alive.
How do you stop an argument between two deaf people? Switch off the lights.
Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.
For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
What do us emos all have in common? Depression. Anxiety. The sole desire to just start saying you wanna kys right out of the blue alot and saying "I CAN'T WAIT TO JUMP OF THAT BUILDING SOON!" and other people say, idgaf, do it, all of us would be happy
why are people in japan so slim? because the last time a fatman came, they lost half their population.
I hate autistic people
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
Why don't booties get invited to parties?
They tend to CRACK people up!
